Have you ever been on a roller coaster when all of a sudden you panic, you want to get off...but you can't....you feel scared, there's nothing you can do.....your body is engulfed in fear and it seems like YOU aren't in control anymore....that's what grief feels like to me!
One way that helped me control my grief was to find ways to honor those I've lost in a memorable way. Doing this created some sense of purpose amongst the chaos that followed each of my losses.....that I was in control of at least something in my life.
There are many ways you can remember a loved one, the following are just some I've done but may help give you some idea's to help bring you comfort and a feeling of purpose amid your suffering.
For Tarnia, my sister, I asked the funeral director to cut off four locks of her shiny brown hair....I tied each one in a blue satin ribbon for her children. When they are older, they will have something physical of their mother....especially her twin girls, who never knew her. I also cut Savannah's hair into a bob before they took her. I have her golden curls carefully hidden away and don't have the courage to take it out and run my fingers through it....but I will one day....most importantly it's hers, and I'm glad I kept it.
We also planted a cherry blossom tree for Tarnia, one that would bloom around the time of her anniversary each year.
My favourite photo of Savannah taken two months before she died
For my adored Mom, I took her favorite lilac silk shirt and gave it to Dempsey as a security blanket. Dempsey still has what remains of it today on her bedside table, its ragged and dirty but reminds me of Mom! I wear her engagement ring with pride and her picture sits where I can see it everyday.....I am able to smile now when I look at it.
And for our angel Savannah, there are so many things I did, and do and will continue to as a legacy to her time here with us. Because of her death, I'm an Ambassador to The Make A Wish Foundation and volunteer at The Let It Be Foundation....these are other things you can do. But where to start with Savannah...I guess a few days after she died.......
Savannah's life...and death...had a profound effect on alot of our friends....one special family in particular honored her in such a unique way. The day after she died a huge cardboard box was delivered to our door amongst all the floral bouquets.....inside were two golden frames from the International Star Registry. Our friends named a star in Savannah's honour.....its impossible to describe in words the comfort that fills my heart when I look up in the heavens at night knowing there's a twinkling star named after our precious girl.
Savannah was cremated, I couldn't bear the thought of not having her in our home so as morbid as this may sound to some, she sits in a princess urn, on a special shelf Peter created in our family room, where I can pick her up and still hold her.......amongst Dempsey's toys and drawings and mess and noise and visitors that come into our home.
I searched everywhere for a special candle for her shelf, which is pink with rainbow glass. I light it and it brings me peace as I feel her spirit is present......its almost buried now in angel figurines, cards and other special special gifts friends have kindly given me.
However the thing that brings me the most comfort is my gold locket I wear everyday. You see the locket to other people is just a piece of jewellery, but to me its healing and meaningful as it is a tiny urn that holds some of her ashes. I feel that a part of her hangs over my heart always....she goes with Peter, Dempsey and me wherever we are.
Savannah's shelf
As I mentioned in an earlier post, we planted a rose bush and other families I know have created glorious gardens where they can sit peacefully and contemplate. A friend that lost her little girl had teddy bears sewn for her two daughters out of her angel's clothing....her remaining girls get so much comfort out of these.
There's quilts and cushions that can be made from clothing, special photo frames, scrapbooking, jewellery and plaster casts........all these wonderful treasures that can immortalize the person you miss so much.
And the final one I did for Savannah, that was so personal and hurt so much, one I also carry with me where nobody else can see it...its just for me in memory of our daughter...a tiny butterfly tattoo!
So I hope some of these things I've done can give you some ideas and bring you comfort and meaning as you travel on your journey and empower you to feel in control, somehow. I know my collection isn't finished, and never will be........
Wishing you sunshine if your cup is blue today! :) x
Thank you for thinking of me. It's good to feel as if I'm not alone. I also have a few things so far to remember my beautiful son. I have a tattoo in honor of him. It's a picture of a sleeping angel because that is the last time I saw him alive. I have a locket with his picture in it that I wear every day. I am also looking forward to Memorial day. Jameson's name will be engraved on a memory bench at the Henry Vilas zoo.
ReplyDeleteWith love,
Sara
Hi Sara,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful way to memorialize your baby boy, that is so special and will touch alot of people that visit the bench...what a wonderful idea!
I hope you continue to find ways to remember your little one that can bring you comfort and some sort of meaning.
Sending a hug in this message...I was thinking of you on Mother's Day!
love
Diana x
Hi Diana,
ReplyDeleteYou always have a special place in my heart. You were one of the first I connected with after my son was diagnosed with MLD. For some reason the connection felt deep for me, I was so, so raw then. We almost lost my son this April so I was trying to get my hands around funeral planning and I really want to cremate him too, for the same reason. I want him with me always. Thanks for making me feel sane!
Susan
Dear Susan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for leaving your lovely comment, it inspires me to keep writing...I am guessing you are Jonathons mom?? or maybe not :)
I'm sorry to hear you almost lost your son, I remember those days with Savannah...its hard I know.
Susan, when the time comes you will know whats right for you to do as far as remembering our loved ones...it is such a personal choice that no-one can really judge another....I get so much comfort from having Savannah here with us, even though I have had one ignorant person tell me my shelf is morbid and like a shrine...but as you know, we grow a pretty thick skin after having cared for a child with MLD.....so I'm glad I've helped you confirm what you already knew.
Please give your beautiful boy a kiss on the forehead from a mommy that miss her little one.
sending love and hope for good days ahead for you all
Diana x
Dear Diana,
ReplyDeletethank you for your comment on my blog! I am so thankful that my post encouraged you... just very thankful. That is one of the reasons I am on here. I will be praying for you!
~Happy Mother's Day!!~
Chare
Isaiah 40:26-31
P.S. I absolutely LOVE the picture of the rainbow on your header! Wow!! Beauty through the storm... God's grace and love are so amazing.
ReplyDeleteThank you Charity for your thoughts and wishes. I'll forward to checking in on your wise words and blessings!
ReplyDeleteWishing you sunshine today :)
Diana x
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing with us.
Dear mellenhclimb,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss of the love of your life....I hope my journey can bring you hope. Your poems are beautiful!!
Thanks for the (((HUGS))) they are my favorite!
love
Diana :)
Very amazing article, such a wonderful idea to do for your loved ones. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeletehello!~ i came across your article while trying to come up with ways to honor the president of our company (and dear friend to all of us who worked here) and wanted to say thank you! we will be honoring our beloved art next week and i found your article to be so beautiful, especially as a new mother to my mabel. hugs and love to you! thank you
ReplyDelete:o)
clare k.
<3
Hello, yeah this piece of writing is really nice and I have learned lot of
ReplyDeletethings from it about blogging. thanks.
My website: best way to lose weight fast
You show amazing strength, and I have drawn strength and purpose from your words. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog that's both equally educative and engaging, and without
ReplyDeletea doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something
too few people are speaking intelligently about. I'm very happy that I found this in my hunt for something relating to this.
Also visit my weblog - lucrative affiliate
In some location the cost may increase up to $300 as well.
ReplyDeleteThey are quite easy to find if you look up the internet or the newspapers.
In general, more people living under the same roof will require frequent
septic tank pumping service to maintain it clean.
Also visit my web blog; http://uhakchoice.com
A good example for this can be the little gem, mushroom salad with mustard dressing with
ReplyDelete186 cals, 17. Visitors of this city should remember to pass by the famous
food streets, Dashiba Food Street near the Confucius Temple and Shiziquiao in Hunan Street.
There are the all-time favourite recipes to the new and innovative ones.
Review my blog post :: scottish recipes
This course is based uponn rules of probability, combinations and studying patterns oof odds and evens.
ReplyDeleteConsider the holiday season as one of thee best opportunities to
grow your bankroll instantly. Vidseo games increase
the brain’s ability to make quick and logical decisions, something that certainly can’t be gained
from simply watching television.
My webpage: Clash of Clans iOS Gems
Appreciating the hard work you put into your
ReplyDeletewebsite and in depth information you present. It's good to come
across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same unwanted rehashed material.
Wonderful read! I've bookmarked your site and I'm
adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Have a look at my website; human pup play
certainly like your web-site but you have to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
ReplyDeleteA number of them are rife with spelling
problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth then again I'll definitely
come again again.
Also visit my website: csi hidden crimes cheat tool
Post writing is also a fun, if you be acquainted with then you can write otherwise
ReplyDeleteit is complex to write.
Check out my web page website ()
cheap celine bags on sale
ReplyDeleteHi, i think that i saw you visited my web site so i came
to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find
things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to use
a few of your ideas!!
I’m not that much of a internet rеɑder to bbe honest ƅut yߋur
ReplyDeleteblogs really nice, keep it up! I'll go aherad and bookmark your website to come Ьack in the future.
Cheers
Here is my webpage; toxic colon
You're so cool! I don't believe I've read a single
ReplyDeletething like that before. So nice to find someone with genuine thoughts on this issue.
Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that is needed on the web,
someone with a bit of originality!
My blog :: Max Light detox
Multiple surgeries could not correct the problems Sophie faced.
ReplyDeleteI have tried different blankets and interesting
enough I prefer the kind I have on my website (smile).
Additionally, it is partially responsible for your mothering feelings.
Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a
ReplyDeletesea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is
completely off topic but I had to tell someone!
my blog ... cheap web hosting services india
Awesome read. I jսst passed thhis onto a co-worker
ReplyDeletewho was performing ѕome reserch οn that. Ӊe jjst purchased mе lunch since I found it for him!
Therеfore I ԝould lіke to re-phrase: Thasnks fοr lunch!
Also visit mmy website - cat animal health products uk
Heey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if youu knew of
ReplyDeleteany widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
Please let mee know if you rrun into anything.
I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.
my page Navigate To This Website
Thanks for sharing a beautiful way to remember our loved ones. We can also create a online memorial for them and share memories.
ReplyDeleteHi, I have come across your blog before. When my son died three years ago, I trawled the internet for 'help' and ideas. I started a group called Project Butterfly to help parents who have lost children. We have created a memorial pathway. We have done screen printing workshops and all kinds of things. Now we are writing a book. 365 ways to get through the first year of grief. I wish I had had something like it when I first started this crazy journey. I would love to use your 'star' story. You can find out more about us at https://www.facebook.com/projectbutterflynelson/?fref=ts
ReplyDeleteHi, I have come across your blog before. When my son died three years ago, I trawled the internet for 'help' and ideas. I started a group called Project Butterfly to help parents who have lost children. We have created a memorial pathway. We have done screen printing workshops and all kinds of things. Now we are writing a book. 365 ways to get through the first year of grief. I wish I had had something like it when I first started this crazy journey. I would love to use your 'star' story. You can find out more about us at https://www.facebook.com/projectbutterflynelson/?fref=ts
ReplyDelete2016-5-6 xiaobao
ReplyDeletemichael kors outlet
kate spade handbags
kate spade handbags
christian louboutin
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton bags
jordans
christian louboutin outlet
gucci outlet
ray bans
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet
tiffany outlet
adidas shoes
ray bans
beats headphones
coach outlet
celine bags
ralph lauren uk
nike sb shoes
michael kors bags
coach outlet
true religion
nike air max
jordan 3
nike factory outlet
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet online
michael kors handbags
christian louboutin sale
ray bans
ray ban sunglasses
louis vuitton handbags
lebron 12
celine handbags
coach outlet store online
true religion
adidas yeezy
kobe shoes 11
soccer shoes
ReplyDeleteイッセイミヤケ
yeezy boost 350
michael kors outlet online
nba shop
canada goose jackets
nike requin
michael kors outlet
buffalo bills jerseys
kate spade sale