“Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things……” - The Sound of Music.
Today in Australia, a few of my favorite things turn 12!
My twin nieces Emerald and Charlotte!
I can hardly believe it.
The years just seem to have melted into one another and they are almost teenagers! I miss them a lot…..
This morning, early, I read their Dad’s blog. It was a moving read today.
Tone says;.... “After Tarn had gone, sometimes I would stand outside my back door. With a roll-your-own-cigarette. And a home made milk stout. Missing her and that.
Pondering. She is not to be seen again, held, listened to, care for us, watch the kids grow into the people we had hoped for, share life with.
And every time now even, when I step out into the night, there is that reminder of what it is/was/is to lose that close one, Tarn. Not of where I am.”
And I know on birthdays and special days, that longing for those that are no longer here intensify and monopolizes the mind …as it has with Tone…and me today.
However, amongst the sad thoughts that my sister isn’t here, that she died when they were only 6 months old and the fact that today she would've showered her daughters with her love...with gusto….are also thoughts of joy that her two little girls are alive and have such a happy spirit…a kindness and love about them that is organic…that’s as natural to them as bees making honey. And as sweet! :)
And as time transforms that overwhelming bottomless pit of grief into one of gratefulness, I am thankful that they’re a small slice of my sister….and there’s two of them! :)
Also, that I am able to enjoy in them what I’m missing in not having my daughter Savannah here, as they are only 9 months apart…or would be.
Savannah loved her cousins….even from such a young age, she showered them with her kisses and love…
And later, when they were around the same age, all three of them were like three cheeky monkeys…playing hide and seek and kicking up leaves in Tarnia and Tone’s big old yard.
And now the roles are reversed, and Emerald and Charlotte infuse their love and time on Dempsey.
There is nothing more magical for me than having the privilege as their Aunty to have watched Em, Charlotte and Demps play for hours in our sandpit, and then Barbies came along, and Polly Pockets which morphed into Littlest Pet Shop and then of course the latest obsession…technology!
Sorting through our filing cabinet, I found these beauties from my nieces when they were a lot younger…and which today they’d probably be embarrassed about! :)
But I've kept them like my sister would’ve and like I do with Dempsey’s things now…they are precious to me!
And on days like today when my heart feels heavy that their mum, my sister, isn’t here, I have to look deeper than the hurt and the pain with a panoramic view, a breathtaking view, that life truly is a miracle…they are a miracle….they could have been killed in the car crash along with my sister!
And in grief, you have to look at the glass half full…or you go crazy....
In time I’ve managed to be able to do this instead of being scared of being alone with my thoughts, like I was and as Tone mentioned...when it’s quiet at night and the stars are out and we contemplate these things….
It’s dark here now in the USA. Tonight, like Tone I’ll go outside, and look up at the stars and think of my sister, and all four of her kids, and Tone…and my Dad today….I can allow my mind to wander there now.
But in Australia, the sun is high in the sky, and there’s two twelve year old girls that are probably giggling at school and embracing their day like there's no tomorrow…and that brings me comfort…their fine example...of being happy...no matter what their circumstances.
They fill my blue cup with sunshine…always…even if they are only 12! :)
“When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad…..”
HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFULS! I LOVE YOU TO THE STARS...AND BACK! XX