The funny thing about grief....

The funny thing about grief is it’s not so funny.

Nineteen years ago today, on a cold winters day, in the freezing air of an operating room, I became a mother.

The doctor held up a screaming red baby, my baby, and told me with a smile we had a daughter. The little girl I’d always dreamed of.

We named her Savannah Beverley, and in that moment, I knew I was the luckiest mum alive.

Fast forward to today--today is Savannah’s 19^th birthday. But she’s not here.

I haven’t seen her sweet smile or almost violet blue eyes since she was four and a half. 

Today, like every birthday, it seems grief is my nemesis.

Every year I watch the date creep up on the calendar. When I book in appointments or see advertisements on tv. Its one of the only days of the year I know my nemesis awaits. But every year I am optimistic. “Maybe I’ll be okay this year,” “Maybe the tears won’t arrive.”

Its confusing and exhausting to have to wonder and worry how I’ll feel on her day as I don’t like being sad.

Who likes crying?

Who wants to feel sad?

Nobody!

But this morning, I woke to rain on our tin roof. I turned on my phone to see Peter had text me a photo of the sunrise in Darwin where he is. No words, just the beautiful image of a dawning day. Our daughter’s day.

I started sobbing and couldn’t stop.

Why does grief invade like a parasite on these days like none others?

The solid ground I usually have turned into quicksand today. I cried like I didn’t last year, or the year before. And I let it sit with me to try and analyse why? Why couldn’t I put my sadness aside? Why couldn’t I stop? But I just couldn’t.

This isn’t my first rodeo with grief. Every year I think I know what to expect, but every year it surprises me. And I have no control over it, which is one of the worst bits.

How do you control a feeling that mirrors the love you had for someone?

How do you control the wishing that Savannah was tucked in her bed, waiting for Dempsey and I to bring her presents in?

Well you don’t. You just let it work you over like a punching bag, in hope the feelings may lessen. And today, as the day went on they did.

Lessened because of beautiful friends who remembered my baby girl, with texts and messages. Lessened by Dempsey’s hug. Lessened by love I’m lucky to have from my people. It’s a simple and as complicated as that I believe.

Mid morning the dog barked to a knock at the door. My beautiful friend Carol sent 19 delicate, baby pink roses for Savannah. But when I thanked her she said she didn’t plan the 19 roses—coincidence?

And that’s where the little things that aren’t little things started to open me up to see the beauty inside the grief. That maybe today my baby girl is still around. Reminding me to smile and to be grateful for all I have. There is a force in friendship. A healing hand, an invisible hug.

At lunchtime, Dempsey chose where we’d eat out. As we strolled in the door, a smiling waitress touched my arm and led us over to – Table 19. Coincidence?

Dempsey was a bit weirded out by this. She found it strange that we were seated at a table with her sister’s birthday number on it. But I didn’t!  It brought me comfort and made me wonder….

When we got home I felt a little better – no tears. Was it the sugar hit from the coca cola or does the day get better as it goes on?

I still couldn’t anaylise it. But I did notice the rain had stopped. And a rainbow was staring at me across our lake. Again, I had to wonder--was this another sign from Savannah?

As I stared at the rainbow, I scrolled through the emails on my phone, and there, staring at me was an email from Savannah’s little BFF Amber, when she was three years old—who doesn’t know today is Savvy’s birthday.

In Amber’s words; “ Hi Dee, this is Amber! I just got my tattoo and it came out amazing, I am so happy I was finally able to get it for Savannah. I just wanted to show you how it came out! I hope all is well. Love Amber."

And the funny thing about grief is, it can be funny, weird, unusual, and surprising, but as much as it’s my enemy, it’s also my teacher. Teaching me I’ve survived another birthday missing my little girl with curls. That Dempsey helps heal my heart and that friends and my people hold my hand on days like today with their messages of love and encouragement that Savannah was here, that she was loved and that they will always remember.

Without the grief you wouldn’t see the gratitude--and like a bruise, my consuming hurt today will disappear—until next time--until next time.

Happy birthday Bubby! I miss you. x 

A G'day and a cuppa of comfort! :) x

G’day from Australia….finally!!!! :)

Our plane trip back to Oz was long, however I was reminded of the beauty of being up in the heavens....watching the sunrise over the wing of the airplane...an indication of what was to come when our big bird touched down.

What can I say…..it’s kinda hard to find a word in the dictionary that measures up or encapsulates this feeling of being home with my family! I guess the closest one that springs to mind is ‘comfort’.


Everyone needs comfort…… whether you’re like me and sometimes need it on a special day, to soothe your sadness or just to up lift your mood if you having a Debbie downer day.

For me, coming home means facing some old memories, faded photos of past happy times and living reminders in my nephews and nieces of my sister who’s missing….who will always be missing….

However, the comfort in a hug or a smile, the slamming of car doors as I hear visitors arrive….or a “You look great!”….and the excitement of the kids to see, us balances out the sad stuff.

This trip, like last year, I’ve been challenged, as I always am, with the reality of how our lives are now….without mum, my sister or Savannah here.  It’s different when we’re in the USA, different in the way that I’m not constantly reminded with old memories and places…it seems easier some days.

I came across this anniversary card from mum...her writing reminded me so much of her....


Whereas here, especially this year, we’ve been moving into our new home….packing up mum’s old china and crystal and wrapping old photo frames in newspaper, and I wouldn’t be human if these things didn’t tug at my heart…but they also bring me comfort....now….well most of them anyway!  I’m not so sure about the photos with the 80’s hairdo I found. :)

Last year, we purchased a 2 acre plot of dirt…on a lake.

A 2 acre green canvas just waiting for lodgers.  But we have to share on this land on the lake…however I don’t mind, because you see it’s with a plump pelican we’ve named Percy, a graceful family of black swans that actually do swan around, with 6 fluffy signets in tow.

There are a couple of baby bunnies that hop by each morning and nibble our grass.  And brown ducks that nose dive, shaking their booty at us, gorging on whatever inhabits our lake.

 Oh and I can’t forget the frogs…at night that’s all I can hear, no freeways, just endless croaking, a symphony of amphibians that serenade one another as the sun disappears. 

And all of this is framed with the lake, so calm, it looks like a giant mirror, reflecting a carpeted sky of endless stars.  Its organic magic from Mother Nature….medicinal and tranquil….and…comforting! :)

On my beautiful Mum’s anniversary, I thought a lot about her and wished she was here to see our new home…..

Mum with Savannah the day we arrived home from hospital

I imagined her with her elbow resting on our table, holding a glass of champagne filled with bubbles saying “Here’s cheers Darlin,” in a toast to health and happiness as she always did…..and I do now. :)

I stayed busy, with Peter having morphed into a Sergeant Major, piling box upon box at our front door for me to unpack, however Demps kindly interrupted, yelling from the lounge room to “Come look Mummy….quick!” 

As I rushed into the room, not sure of what I’d see…..there, outside our front window, stretched from one side of the horizon to the other, was the most magnificent rainbow…

It was like mum was sending me a not so subtle message that she knows I miss her so much, but more importantly, that she’s be thrilled we’re in our new home and ‘happy.’

And just like that, I felt reassured.  And while a rainbow will never be consolation that my mother isn’t here, I felt like she was watching down from heaven….sending me a sign.

I carry the best of my mum inside my heart…she wouldn’t want me to be walking around sad, and I always keep that in mind.

We’ve managed to recreate happy hour in the Southern hemisphere, with Friday night drinks in our new serenity.

My sister’s twins had a sleep over all weekend…to Dempsey’s delight…and mine! 

Mine that I get to tell them stories about their mum and me growing up.  Like how we’d squeeze into bed together and she’d tell me the Turnip story….or that she’d once had dinner with us around our table, while they were in safely tucked inside her belly waiting to be born. 

They both mutter a small hummph and smile.  I hope it gives them comfort, to learn things about their mum that isn’t here.  I know I get a lot of comfort out of their bony butts sitting on my lap, and the similarities to my sister in their pretty faces and mannerisms……

Watching Dempsey, Emerald and Charlotte is food for my soul, however I can’t help but feel there is always one little one missing in Savannah. I often imagine the 4 of them together, when they stand side by side.

And it’s funny, I’ve been baking bread with our old Panasonic bread maker, dusted it off and fired her up….on Saturday, the house was filled with that doughy smell of freshly baked bread!  As I pulled the loaf out of the tin, Charlotte commented,  “Do you know Diana, the smell of freshly baked bread is 8^th on the list of comforting things to humans!”  Her comment made me smile…..comfort is everywhere it seems, if you are aware of it….

I’m looking forward to the next few weeks, with lots of Aussie laughter echoing through our new house.

I’ll be intentionally building new memories, that I’ll store…like cookies in a cookie jar…a jar I can dip into anytime, that’ll offer up some crumbs of comfort when I need them…I’ll store the new one right beside my old jar of memories…that sometimes, I like to indulge in…but sometimes…the lid stays on tight….and that’s ok too…..

As we say in Oz….catch ya later on matie! :)

 

Sometimes to be happy, you gotta know sad....

“You cry a little then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does….” - Maria, from the Sound of Music

The scars of grief can run deep….sometimes, things trigger them, like the movie '7 Pounds' that Peter and I watched Saturday night…. or having old memories bubble back up to the surface with an old friend....it's wishing for something that you know will never come true...or too many late nights, burning the candle at both ends that makes you tired and susceptible to sadness…. 

However, it’s knowing that the sadness doesn’t last….that the sun will shine again that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other when you feel vulnerable and sad.   Its finding coping mechanisms and letting yourself cry that heals the heart.

For the past week or more, I’ve been in a mid summer slump….I have a long list of things that have to be done but can’t seem to get the energy to do any of them. Like the beds in our home that need stripping, and my two university assignments that are due next week, and this blog..…it’s dealing with an over tired 9 year old and her sadness that our Australian friends are gone.   Dempsey loved having the kids around the house again, especially one her sister's age.

My friend Vicki and her family arrived back from their 10 day vacation in Cancun.  We spent four fun filled days together with them.  And when they left Dempsey was heartbroken. She sat outside in almost 100o heat, amongst the chalk drawings Bonnie and Alex and her had created, crying her eyes out…waiting for them to come back.

I finally coaxed her inside and wrapped her up in my arms on my lap.  I tried to tell her that she has to be happy she had the time that she did with them, that we’ll see them again… But it pulled at my heart strings, to see her pain.  I cried too at my friend leaving, but I know I’ll see her again, and that makes the hurt that little bit less.  You have to find positives in every negative I’ve found.

You have to find things that will transform the melancholy moods into an upbeat frame of mind.  This week, my weapon against the blues was running.  Pounding the pavement in our surrounding streets.

I find exercising, exorcises the demons…it can give you a rush of feel good energy, even when you don’t think you have the energy to do anything.  It helps when you do have to battle a case of the doldrums or find peace when having a hard day.  Its self preservation, and it works…for me anyway.

My gorgeous friend Vicki gave me this beautiful chunky silver bracelet. I love it!   It’s from New Zealand and each emblem represents something special.   One of the charms is called a Koru, its spiral shape symbolizes life, growth and peace….it reminded me of the changing journey of grief……

And I find when things get me down and overwhelm me, I find processing my thoughts, and tears….helps me to move forward…knowing that “this too will pass.”   I know taking responsibility for things I can control, like my attitude help to overcome the Debbie downer moments when I feel exposed because of grief.

Saturday night, watching the movie 7 Pounds, made me confront some of my sorrow that lies just under the surface.  I wished it was my little girl who could’ve been given some miracle cure like the people in the movie.  But wishes don’t wash dishes….or strip beds…..or teach my daughter that you have to love your life….hard days and all.  That they make the happy days all that more sweeter.

After the movie, before bed, I sat outside, immersed in the magic of the full moon, crying.  The movie was sad and made me think about Savannah....however, after my tears dried I felt like I'd been cleansed…..I knew that the next day, I would notice how blue the sky is….and like Maria out of The Sound of Music, I know, you cry a little then you wait for the sun to come out…it always does!

Anticipating our angels birthday....

In a few days time it will be Savannah’s twelfth birthday. The feelings this week aren’t foreign to me now. The wishing she was here….the sadness that comes and goes and the flash backs to when she was here. And it’s like for the next few days I have to go to that place where I don’t want to go. Like the dentist to get a tooth ripped out, or to get a painful injection. I can’t avoid it or put it off or just cancel it out with a phone call.

I’m aware I should be celebrating Savannah’s birth and how through her death I have found new meaning in the world…how, because of her existence, she has morphed me into a better person. But the reality is my stomach churns at the thought of Thursday. No matter how hard I try to alter the ‘what is’ and the ‘if onlys’ in my head. And that’s the reality.

                              Me and my God Mother Jan..one of Mum's best friends, in Australia

On Saturday a card arrived for us from my God Mother in Australia, Jan.  Inside the card she’s written... “Thinking of you on Savannah’s birthday. Many others whose lives she touched will be thinking of her also.”

Jan’s words weighed heavily on me….these ones in particular…” lives she touched and thinking of her.” And apart from thinking how special it was of Jan not to just write “thinking of you” I considered exactly what those words meant…..

I thought how every year those who knew Savannah always call, or email, or text or do something in her honor….just as if she was alive.  And that gives me comfort….to know she’s made an impact on my friends and family.  That maybe, she’s shaped their lives in a positive no matter how small, tangible way.

I think her time both here and in heaven has taught them how fragile life can be….like a broken heart…. and how important life and love is and stuff money can't buy!   How to take nothing for granted......and, how our children are gifts to be treasured and nurtured and loved…for they can be taken away in a second!  I had to learn that the hard way.

Our last lot of visitors left on Saturday. So I feel I’ve had a small hiatus from my usual obsessive sad thoughts about Savannah’s upcoming birthday.  Like I’ve had my pause button hit for the past few weeks. But yesterday the clock started ticking again. 

And I rang my Dad to tell him about Jan’s card….his advice; “What I do is just not think of it…or try not to anyway because it’s just too sad.”   I wish I had my Dad’s resilience.  But I don’t. I just can’t shut it out.

                Demps writing on her sister's balloons on Savannah's 7th birthday.  It's tradition now...


Dempsey too reminded me this morning that it’ll be Savannah’s birthday in a few days, and she added; “We have to get twelve balloons this year to let go to heaven for Savannah Mummy!” And I did wonder how we’ll get 12 helium balloons home in 100 degree heat in the back of my car without some of them popping? Dempsey can’t wait…..but I can.


I know in the next few days I’ll go into a bit of a fragile state…..but I’m ready for it these days.   I just have to let go and work through the hard bits.  And I know Friday will be ‘just another day.’  But until then, I’ll think of my God Mother’s card, and her words, and how lucky I am to have family and friends that will always remember Savannah….that she was here and that she made an impact in her time on this beautiful earth.


I know I’ll survive her birthday as I do every year. I’ll find the strength inside BECAUSE of the support I have around me. And those family and friends will never understand just how much I love them for that.

Savannah's 3rd birthday....the last one when she was well enough to enjoy it

But I’d still rather be shopping off a list, for a beautiful twelve year old blue eyed girl….maybe I’d be buying her first bra….or a Justin Bieber shirt…a pretty handbag or some make up. Instead I’ll buy her a card, as I always do, and write in it as if she was here….and put it with the pile from previous birthdays, that seems to be getting bigger….like she would be if she were here........

The drips of grief like a leaking tap!

The last two weeks our home has been like one of those revolving doors at a posh hotel, that seem to go round and round and round!


We’ve had visitors from Japan and Australia staying with us. And it seems as one zips up their case and lugs it to our door, there is another friend arriving with a fresh case of clothes and hello hugs. It’s been fun……exhausting, but fun to have our house filled with friends. And it’s taken my mind off the fact that it’s only 16 more days until Savannah’s twelfth birthday.

One of our visitors from Oz...Trishie with Savannah...she was like her second Mum.

Demps at 5 with Trishie...
  

                                        Demps 4 years on in the same spot..Dempsey calls her "Mummy Trishie!"


                                                                                     
I’ve had the usual longing for Savannah since our visitors departed, however while they were here it’s been like a respite not to have my thoughts consumed with her upcoming special day.


Dempsey as usual, has lightened my mood and made me thankful. She had her last day of third grade on Thursday. And as I stopped the car at her school, all I seemed to see was 6th graders laughing, dressed in pretty dresses, walking through the school gate under a bunch of billowing green and gold foil balloons. And I thought of our angel Savannah, how it’d be her last day of Elementary school. How she’d be graduating…..

I wondered what sort of dress she would’ve chosen, and how proud I’d be to watch her mark such a massive milestone. And just like that, the drops of grief started dripping like a leaking tap. But not for long as Dempsey’s infectious enthusiasm at finishing her last day…along with straight A’s snapped me back to the present.  

After school I took Dempsey and her BFF Marlee to our local outdoor mall and watched them giggle and run through the fountains that shoot out water like magic, in tune with loud music. Sitting on the mall bench, waiting for the other mums, I found myself grinning. Grateful for Demps and her happy spirit!  Alive... dancing silly moves, dodging the water, oblivious to any self consciousness....

Yesterday, Peter and I sat anxiously on uncomfortable wooden chairs, amongst rows of other Mums and Dads as we listened to Dempsey perform at her first ever piano recital! She hit every note perfectly……and of course I applauded louder than any other parent in the room! :)

I think after surviving grief your joy is so much more intense…the small moments so much sweeter than before. And at the end of the concert, Dempsey proudly accepted her first certificate from her Russian teacher to say she’s passed level one of piano…..beaming at Peter and I and finishing the day with an eager beaver bow!

Dempsey with her Piano Certificate...and me, proud Mamma! :)

However, yesterday afternoon, high on life after the concert, we headed to a friends birthday party. Sitting at the kitchen table, with a few other mums, the conversation turned to a few deaths that have hit our community. One was the death of a jogger, who left behind two children, the other, a teen suicide. I was heartbroken to hear of these families and what they must be dealing with because of their loss…their pain fresh and intense……

But, as I listened to one of the mums keep saying over and over “How sad!” and “Gee, that’s so tragic” I began to feel weird, the comments hit a nerve. I felt like a freak, and I wondered why they didn’t mention my losses. It was like there was a huge elephant in the room, namely me, the mother of a dead child, who DID have an idea what it felt like for both the mother of the girl and also how the husband and children of the jogger have just had their lives ripped apart!

And the more the girls chatted, the more my destructive self pity seemed to grab hold. I sat there jiggling my leg under the table, wanting to escape. And I kept telling myself to “Stop it Dee!” But I couldn’t, I felt hurt that no-one acknowledged Savannah! And just as I was about to make a run for it, out to the naive men outside around the BBQ, my gorgeous friend Mary must’ve sensed my awkwardness. She smiled at me and said, “It’s Savannah’s birthday in a few weeks isn’t it Dee? June 30 right? I imagine the next few weeks will be hard on you guys.” My eyes started to blink quicker and quicker, to hold my tears… “Yes, it is Mary, thanks for thinking of Savannah.” I said. And there it was – acknowledgement that someone understood that all the chit chat about children and death is still difficult. It always will be. But I appreciated the invisible rope Mary threw me, her compassion…….


And unlike a dripping tap that can fixed, I can’t call a plumber to stop the constant drip of tears or grief that I know are just simmering under the surface in the next few weeks. But I’ll try and stay busy…..and try not to have a pity party, however I know if I do slip, it’s ok. It’s normal. And that’s something I didn’t understand before.

I also know this afternoon we have a fresh family of Aussies about to invade our four walls. I’ll be at the door to welcome them tonight with a smile, knowing that the noise their two boys and Dempsey will deafen us with will sidetrack the drips and the pangs of pain. They’ll be a welcome distraction...they'll help put sunshine in my blue cup…and plug up the drips....for now anyway! :)

Brought to you by the Letter H :)

Do you ever laugh until you cry….or cry until you laugh? Laughter is the B E S T medicine! I had a weekend, filled with belly aching laughs (no tears) and thanks to friends, I feel as if I’ve had my batteries topped up. Like I’ve been plugged into an electrical outlet and recharged, like my cell phone. I’m happy!

I typed the word “happy” into the online dictionary. This is what it said; “characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind”   After the weekend, It’s like the happy train has pulled into my station and there’s an empty seat with my name on it.

So this morning I dissected the past few days so I could pinpoint the watchamacallit, or the thingamajig that’s caused my cheery mood. And after examining my weekend under the microscope, I realized its some simple things like laughter and fun friends that I have access to everyday…that I’ve had access to all along that have managed to fill up my blue cup with sunshine. What a difference a week makes! :)

Happy Hour around our back 'T' last Friday

Friday night, our regular get together was an unusually big one. We had loads of visitors around our back table…mostly people from Peter’s work, but it was multicultural, the seats taken up with visitors from Oz, different corners of the 50 states and some Japanese guests…and it was fun with a capital F!

The boys stood around the BBQ engaging in testosterone fuelled talk, while us girls huddled around our back table and talked about girlie stuff…..like our latest shoe purchases and our favorite cocktails and ‘boys!’ And it was almost as good as a girl’s night out! Compliments were buzzing around the table like mosquitoes on a hot summer night. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time….and it feels great.

My new bright cheery tea towel

My gorgeous friend Steph presented me with this cute colorful tea towel from Anthropologie…love their stuff! “I saw this and thought of you Dee.” Steph said. It’s only a tea towel, but to think Steph must’ve stood in that store, thought of me and decided to purchase this lovely hand sewn bit of cloth, made me feel special! I felt like she’d just given me an original Picasso….and I realized it’s these little things that anyone can pay forward to others, like a sincere compliment, that costs nothing……or an inexpensive gift that can create a ‘happy frame of mind’ for others like my friends did for me over the weekend.

Our friends visiting from Australia packed this in their suitcase for us…Milo…yummo! One of Dempsey and my favorite malted drink. You can sprinkle it on ice-cream or heap it into a cold glass of milk. It’s so Australian it felt like getting a hug from home.

Dempsey enjoyed a ride on the happy train too with a few laps around the block with Daddy on the scooter. She loved the wind in her hair and riding pillion with Peter….I stood waiting patiently for them with a smile on my face.

Demps and I enjoyed a bubble blowing morning…the bubbles reminding me that at any moment our perfect life or bubble can burst….however, its what you do with your time in between if it does happen to pop, or explode as to be the case with my family…. It’s how you can be happy, or find things that make you happy, or do things for others to bring them some sunshine if they need it that makes all the difference. I’ve learned that on my journey.

I’m going to make a conscious effort this week to pay it forward and put sunshine in someone else’s blue cup, whether it be through a compliment, a small gift, a hug or time spent with people I love.

So, all aboard the Happy Train, I’m hoping there’s one leaving your station that will have you barreling down the tracks of life.....through the dark tunnel where there’ll be a beaming bright light at the other end. That through your family or friends you can find an empty seat that’s just perfect for you!


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"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop" - Ovid

To quote Ovid, a great Roman poet born in ancient Rome…

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”

This saying resonated deeply with me this week. We all need a rest if we’ve been through a trying time so we can be our best and enjoy each day we've been given.

When I was growing up, my Dad was a wheat farmer.  I watched my father strive to be a wonderful provider for our family.  Year in and out he ploughed the land, planting wheat crops. Some years there was drought, or locust plagues and sometimes a bumper crop!  If the harvest was a bumper one, Tarnia, Mark and me would line up amongst the light golden brown stalks of wheat before it got stripped, while Mum took our photo….usually with Mark pulling a silly face. :)  I can still remember one year where the wheat seemed almost as tall as me.

Dad had an honest and noble occupation. He worked hard, almost 24/7. I remember as a little girl, when he wandered in our laundry door from a day driving the tractor….he’d take off his dusty RM Williams boots and disappear into the bathroom to shower off the red dirt that stuck to his body like mud. We took family vacations either after the crop was stripped by huge machines called Headers, or, when the rich mallee dirt needed resting after Dad ploughed it….before he’d begin to sow the new crop.

Reflecting on Ovid’s quote made me think of Dad, and how he would say “Moppet, a paddock needs to take a rest”…..and so this week did I……..

Since Sunday, I’ve felt withered like a crop that’s had hail damage, I feel I need to be watered and hydrated after all my weeping, and to be weeded of all the stinging nettles that keep re-growing like weeds in my life. I’ve been exhausted!  I even purchased a pregnancy test...I've been that tired and I wanted a tangible explanation for it.  But I think the stress and worry over my brother’s heart surgery finally took its toll on me.

Our bodies are amazing machines that warn us through aches and pains and tiredness that its time to rest…like the earth when it’s fallowed…to allow time between seasons and growth. So this week, I had a lot of down time and did things to relax and renew my spirit….I also did a bit of retail therapy! :)

Nothing like a bit of Victoria's Secret to make me feel better!

Green Tea and Chocolate bickies(or cookies if you are in the USA) great re-energizers

My neighboor Renee gave me this beautiful calming Rose scented candle that filled our house with the relaxing aromatherapy of roses

My brother Mark went home only five days after his bypass graft. He’s resting and bored and raring to go back to work. It’s amazing that he’s had his chest sawn open and wired back together….and he’s on no pain medication! Also, that’s he’s been given another opportunity at living life…his doctor said some people don’t get the chance he’s been given…..

Mark with his 'Little Ted' and the big Ted I sent

I couldn’t send flowers to the ICU so I sent this big teddy bear with a bright happy red bow.   Little Ted in the photo had pride of place on his bed when we were growing up. Mark would throw little Ted at the wall if he didn’t get his own way!  He tells me Little Ted has a minder now in Big Ted....like Mark is with me.

Hopefully by next week I’ll be firing on all cylinders again like my brother is….that my body will be a crop of sunflowers instead of a weeping willow tree.

Thanks to everyone who sent messages about my big brother Mark and his open heart surgery….YOU put sunshine in my blue cup this week and have also heaped topsoil back in my paddock to help cultivate my crop for whatever seeds may be sprinkled and grown in the forthcoming seasons of life…….

I took this of Dempsey in a crop of wildflowers near our house....a reminder to me to enjoy natures gifts


And I hope if you need it too, you can rest your field, regroup and be ready to reap a bountiful crop of blooming sunny wildflowers in the coming days, no matter what your challenges may be. x

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