“You cry a little then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does….” - Maria, from the Sound of Music
The scars of grief can run deep….sometimes, things trigger them, like the movie '7 Pounds' that Peter and I watched Saturday night…. or having old memories bubble back up to the surface with an old friend....it's wishing for something that you know will never come true...or too many late nights, burning the candle at both ends that makes you tired and susceptible to sadness….
However, it’s knowing that the sadness doesn’t last….that the sun will shine again that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other when you feel vulnerable and sad. Its finding coping mechanisms and letting yourself cry that heals the heart.
For the past week or more, I’ve been in a mid summer slump….I have a long list of things that have to be done but can’t seem to get the energy to do any of them. Like the beds in our home that need stripping, and my two university assignments that are due next week, and this blog..…it’s dealing with an over tired 9 year old and her sadness that our Australian friends are gone. Dempsey loved having the kids around the house again, especially one her sister's age.
My friend Vicki and her family arrived back from their 10 day vacation in Cancun. We spent four fun filled days together with them. And when they left Dempsey was heartbroken. She sat outside in almost 100o heat, amongst the chalk drawings Bonnie and Alex and her had created, crying her eyes out…waiting for them to come back.
I finally coaxed her inside and wrapped her up in my arms on my lap. I tried to tell her that she has to be happy she had the time that she did with them, that we’ll see them again… But it pulled at my heart strings, to see her pain. I cried too at my friend leaving, but I know I’ll see her again, and that makes the hurt that little bit less. You have to find positives in every negative I’ve found.
You have to find things that will transform the melancholy moods into an upbeat frame of mind. This week, my weapon against the blues was running. Pounding the pavement in our surrounding streets.
I find exercising, exorcises the demons…it can give you a rush of feel good energy, even when you don’t think you have the energy to do anything. It helps when you do have to battle a case of the doldrums or find peace when having a hard day. Its self preservation, and it works…for me anyway.
My gorgeous friend Vicki gave me this beautiful chunky silver bracelet. I love it! It’s from New Zealand and each emblem represents something special. One of the charms is called a Koru, its spiral shape symbolizes life, growth and peace….it reminded me of the changing journey of grief……
And I find when things get me down and overwhelm me, I find processing my thoughts, and tears….helps me to move forward…knowing that “this too will pass.” I know taking responsibility for things I can control, like my attitude help to overcome the Debbie downer moments when I feel exposed because of grief.
Saturday night, watching the movie 7 Pounds, made me confront some of my sorrow that lies just under the surface. I wished it was my little girl who could’ve been given some miracle cure like the people in the movie. But wishes don’t wash dishes….or strip beds…..or teach my daughter that you have to love your life….hard days and all. That they make the happy days all that more sweeter.
After the movie, before bed, I sat outside, immersed in the magic of the full moon, crying. The movie was sad and made me think about Savannah....however, after my tears dried I felt like I'd been cleansed…..I knew that the next day, I would notice how blue the sky is….and like Maria out of The Sound of Music, I know, you cry a little then you wait for the sun to come out…it always does!