Dempsey and I were running late for school this morning.
I was rushing, cranky, trying to make the green light which turned red in the distance, “Damn!” I said under my breathe, as I noticed a side street that might be a short cut to Dempsey’s new school.
I clicked my blinker on and swerved down the unfamiliar street. And I’m glad I did. I discovered there’s another school hidden beneath trees behind Dempsey’s school.
As I weaved my way round past this ‘other’ school I noticed kids getting off a bus…being helped off a bus….special kids…kids with cerebral palsy…kids in wheel chairs…kids with noticeable disabilities. And I instantly thought of Savannah.
I pulled up outside Dempsey’s prestigious private school and she leapt out, back pack heaved up on her back…her skinny legs sprinting down the pavement and in the gate just as the bell rang.
I watched Demps run through the entrance of her school.
And I sat there and reflected on what it’d be like if Savannah was still alive and attending that ‘special’ school? And how it seemed like now, a simple asphalt road and a twist of fate is the only thing separating me from ‘that life’….my old life…across the road from where I was parked.
I sat in my car for a while, watching parents devotedly deliver their special children through that ‘different’ gate.
It stirred up a few emotions…
A longing for Savannah, utmost respect for the special Mums’ of these special children and a wondering of what life would be like if Savannah was still alive and I was still one of those mums…cos I was once.
I know from having the privilege of a special needs child, one with a terminal illness, that needed a lot of care, that you treasure every. little. thing. your ‘special’ child achieves.
Like smiles amongst their pain, or a night where they have peace….you accept this is how your life is…and you wouldn’t have it any other way…you wouldn’t swap your baby for anything!
Sure, you’d change the suffering if you could, however experiencing adversity changes us, makes us grow and become more compassionate to others on Struggle Street. And I’m thankful to Savannah for teaching me that.
I wonder if those mums feel isolated like I did when Savvy was sick and I couldn’t leave the house? Or if they look across the road and yearn for a different life, like I once did? But today, watching from my car window, I envied them…they still have their precious children with them, hardships and all. And I know they wouldn’t swap their kids for the ones lining up at Dempsey’s school.
I know their children are their teaches, as Savannah continues to be to me, that the rewards in having a special child are enormous.
So today, these kids were reminders to me to be grateful…for what I ‘had’ and for the things I'm lucky enough to enjoy in my healthy child…..but I can still imagine, what it’d be like to be dropping my two girls off, even if it was at a special school.
And when I got home, I found this piece of cotton in our hallway, on the floor…tangled up in a somewhat music note shape….a sign maybe??
Reminding me to stop and listen to the music…to enjoy life’s assorted notes and experiences and to be happy that I have what I do! To slow down and hug Dempsey more…and to smile and wave next time I drive down that street…..
So tomorrow, tomorrow I’m thinking, maybe, just maybe, that’ll be my new route to drop Dempsey off at school! :)
Wishing you sunshine if your cup is blue today and a reminder to stop and enjoy the rays.....even if someday's they're hidden beneath the grey..... :) x