The gift a box full of darkness brings....

One thing my journey through grief has taught me is to see the beauty in the world.

After last week, after Savannah’s anniversary, I’ve learnt hitting rock bottom…going to that basement of agony enhances the ecstasy and the bliss that life is full of…if you look for it…take it in, breathe it, live it….and most of all…enjoy it.

I’ve learned that if you travel to that pit, there’s only one place to go…and that’s to climb aboard the elevator of life and hit the up button….back to your starting point where you rebuild and embrace the life you have…and notice the good bits.

And when you can do that….you find clarity.

After a day of feeling flat after Savvy’s anniversary I decided to get out of the house and take Dempsey, my sister’s twins and their friend to an enchanting spot I’d heard about called “The Blue Pools”…it even sounds magical right? :)

A forty minute drive through thick dense Australian bush leads you down a twisty, almost one lane (scary) road to a clearing where you can park and wander down a dusty track to this piece of paradise….wow!

Like a swimming hole you read about in a book…the clear cold water is surrounded by walls of natural rock…with the blue sky as the back drop…rustic pebbles line the bottom of the pools. It took my breathe away!

And it’s times like this I wonder if I’d see this beauty without having travelled through grief…whether I’d take it for granted, or just not be able to appreciate how lucky I am to be able to recognize the value of something so beautiful…and free! :)

Watching the girls wade out and shriek at how cold the water was made me laugh….and Teddy bark! :)

I stood with my feet in the cool water, and contemplated, as I always do, how during challenges you can’t fight the process. Whether it’s a small problem or a large one…a trickle, a gush….or, a down pour!

When facing hard stuff, it’s like you’re paddling upstream against a strong current…but if you let go…and go with the flow and don’t fight…you find the current washes you back down stream to safety…..to start again…and that’s a beautiful thing!

I’ve learned being happy with who I am and accepting how my life is has a huge affect on facing any hard days. I know my grief will always follow me around like my shadow…and some days it will be like a giant in my life, over shadowing every piece of my being....

But other times it’s small and stunted and doesn’t eclipse my day….it moves into the shade and its not overpowering.

It can’t take the limelight away from enjoying the tiniest of moments…like taking these three tweens for ice cream…sitting and listening to their simple stories about the goings on in their lives….and seeing Dempsey smile…or seeing her laugh….or feeling her hand in mine. Those moments will forever outshine the bad bits…even if it tags along….it will never outshine my spirit or my love for life…

How privileged I am. :) x

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