Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Rainbow Connection...For my sister Tarnia x

                                          PUSH PLAY WHILE YOU READ....

Sisters are pretty special.

I only have one.

Today is the anniversary of her death.

Today, I sat outside in the sunshine for five minutes and watched these magnificent pelicans on our lake, in awe…………

And I find on my sister's special day, I always reflect on life…on it’s beauty and cruelty…at the things that its capable of.

I also entertain the idea of her still being here….

                    Nice hairdos! :)

Of how everything would be different if she was!

How she’d be sharing a chilled glass of wine with me, clinking our crystal goblets…how we’d reminisce about growing up in a country town.

How we’d be sharing our kids achievements and I’d be asking her advice on my challenges. And how’d we never, ever, ever, argue again! :) (I do like to romanticize things….)

But the reality is, that’s never going to be….and sometimes wishing for impossible dreams can be detrimental to the soul.

So instead of pining for things to be different and allowing that yearning to change my mood to melancholy, I ‘try’ to look at the bits that are possible…like hugging her kids and being a support to her husband Tone….these things aren’t pipe dreams or pots at the end of a rainbow….they are real and achievable dreams. And that's what I try to focus on….I have to…..

Like the reflection and light in my life...they say, a rainbow is a result of the reflection and refraction of light by water droplets…..

A few days ago, from our half finished driveway, I relished in the privilege of watching our overcast grey sky transform itself into a magical band of brilliant colors.

It’s like Mother Nature rolled out it’s red carpet for me…to remind me that the pot of gold is right at my door already…it’s in the beauty and allure of gifts that I see and get to experience everyday…if I take the time….

That the cloudy skies of life don’t always last and that people and things help jog my consciousness of that!

Last week, my sister’s daughter Charlotte also reminded me not dismiss the messages and rewards in the everyday somewhat dull stuff…like dropping her off at her Band practice on a Tuesday afternoon.

You see every week, Charlotte goes to her rehearsal at the tiny Band Hall here….and you are probably thinking, “What’s the significance??”

Well, this insignificant building is where we held the Wake for Tarnia after her funeral…where baby Charlotte of six months slept soundly in a bunny rug next to her sister….as all of us contemplated and reflected on how we’d go on after the tragedy of losing my sister…
And as I threw the car in reverse and watched my sister’s daughter, smiling and waving enthusiastically....happily hurrying into her band practice, the irony struck me....

                   Savannah, Emerald and Charlotte 2 weeks before my sisters accident

The power of the human spirit to overcome also seeped deep into my mind….

We do survive, and we do find rainbows, even if they aren’t plastered across the sky in all their glory…they’re in the small stuff…in the human condition of fortitude and resilience and courage…and they are miracles.

Tonight, I had dinner with Tone, my sister’s husband…all four of her children…who Tone took to the cemetery today to visit their mother. They left jasmine and I’m sure a few tears….and I reflected on that too…

The girls are here with me tonight…having a sleep over….making Dempsey laugh, and sneaking into the lounge to sit on the side of my sofa and give me a I’m typing this....

I told them tonight as I tucked them into bed and squeezed them tight that their Mummy would be so proud of they are a reflection and refraction of her…. :)

And to add to my day today….of reflecting about the joys and heartaches…my precious one Dempsey tells me she’s singing in the school choir tomorrow…for the first time…the song…”The Rainbow Connection.” :-)

“There’s lovers…and dreamers…and me……..”

Tarnia, Mum and Fraser.... x


  1. God bless you, Diana.

    You've given me something precious today with your words: 'we do find rainbows, even if they aren’t plastered across the sky in all their glory'. I've been looking out for a while, but haven't seen one recently. (Although saying that, the white feathers I see seem to have grown...seems she knows I sometimes need more than a little sign.) Thinking of you and your beautiful family today- take care, and take it easy. Tarnia's with you always. :)

    Lots of love,


  2. This was a beautiful post Diana. Yes, we humans have tons of courage and fortitude if we reach deep inside ourselves. Send big hugs to you and your family today.

  3. Oh god the tears... they are welling in my eyes as I look at these images of Tarnia. I have never seen young photos of her, our little ladies are so so much like her (especially the reddish/orange teenage looking one). I love that you put music to this.

    I truly enjoy seeing photos of her that I have never seen before. I reflect on Tarnia most days when I see her photo on my dressing table.
    Hoping to see the fam this weekend at mums at some stage.

  4. Dear Casey,

    Thank you for your heartfelt words. I'm glad you are noticing the little things like feathers...and if they are increasing thats a sure sign. I know before I left LA I seemed to see them everywhere. Take comfort in them. :)

    love Diana x

  5. Dear Sandy,

    Thanks for stopping by and for the hugs...I'm sure you can relate to this post.

    Sending love to you.
    Diana x

  6. Lovely Katie!!

    The girls and I were talking about you and your puppies on the way to school this morning...they are hoping to catch up with their other aunt this weekend, so they'll be thrilled to see you.

    Next time you are visiting Tone I have a huge box of old photos of Tarnia if you'd like to see some of them...I love to share and reminisce.

    I see the girls so much in her old pics too...and of course the boys.

    I'm sure she's around, and grateful for the love all of the kids get from us.

    hope to catch you soon

    love Dx

  7. I like your story. I only seldom read posts and articles, but your story struck me most. Wonderful story.

  8. I realized it had been a while since I had seen a post from you (I have been watching for one). When i came here to check on you, I realized somehow I missed the last two posts. How did I do that? On the bright side, two new ones to read. :) I loved seeing the picture of the girls together. How wonderful for the cousins to have that type of relationship. Slumber parties...what fun! I will read the other post tomorrow...for now, off to bed!


  9. Thank you Barbara! Your comment means a lot!

    with love
    Diana x

  10. Dear Adelaide Funerals,

    Thanks for stopping by, for reading and for your reinforcement of my post. I'm sure you deal with people everyday who are dealing with grief and I'm sure you do a wonderful job through your parlour.

    with love
    Diana x

  11. Lovely Candice!!

    So great to hear from always encourage me to write so will sit down and see what comes out in the next few days.

    It's really hard here to find time to blog with sleepovers and having my nieces here....I had them for a whole week last week...Demps hardly slept! :)

    Kiss those gorgeous babies for me and thanks always for your support.
    Diana x