Thursday, November 15, 2012

Through Mum's and my looking glass... x


I think time literally flies here in Australia!   Well, it has since I’ve last blogged!!!! :)

Lately I feel like I’m straight out of the pages of Alice in Wonderland…like the white rabbit.......rushing around with a clock around my neck…aware that time is passing by so quickly, however, not seeming to be able to slow down….

But this afternoon I’ve stopped the clock…come inside from being outside weeding to write.

You see Wednesday was my beautiful mum’s anniversary!



And I only had but a few tears….and then a big breathe in and a smile for my mum who isn’t here.

I’ve come a long way from those first few Anniversaries, where the hurt was fresh like a new wound and the realization that death is final…that we never get to see, hear, smell or touch those that are gone ever again.

And you think it’s unimaginable, a snowballs chance in hell, that the pain will lessen…but it’s only impossible if you believe it is!

Time like grief teaches us a lot of things…like to appreciate the little moments with your kids, they go from bibbed babes to tweens in a heartbeat it seems.

Time teaches us to tell those we love, just how much, and why they are special to us as we never know when we’ll see those close to our hearts again.

It teaches us that instead of regret we should rejoice and through grief we discover time doesn’t really heal…it just allows us a continuous current of days to learn to live with our losses.

Time has also made me realize I’m not the same girl I was…I think I’m a better version of my old self, because of the wisdom I’ve learnt on my journey!

We can’t go back, we can only go forward in hope of taking what we’ve learnt and stowing it away and using that knowledge to live life to the fullest.   I know that’s what my Mum would want from me as her daughter…she was a great philosopher about time and enjoying every single day!



This is the last photo I have of Mum…my rock!

She’d actually be mortified if she knew I’d put it on my blog. But I wanted to share her amazing spirit I think I’ve captured in this picture.

It was taken only a few months before she died….Dempsey is the little bub snuggled up on her chest. And even though we knew when this was taken that Mum only had weeks to live, she’s still smiling…with her magical spark in her eyes.

A few weeks ago, I had one of my readers emailed me and ask how I prepared for the death of my daughter….as she is facing the same heartbreaking fate in the future days.....

She wanted to know how I survived?

I wrote her a long email…and I shared that one of the ways is through the wisdom my Mum instilled inside my soul.

So on my mother Beverley’s special day, I’d like to share, in her words, some of my tools that have helped me overcome and enjoy, like she did……..

“Focus on the good in everything…the positive instead of the negative….you’ll always find it.”

“Don’t worry over things you can’t change, they have a way of sorting themselves out.”

"Always be Yourself!"

“Always wear a smile, it’s the best accessory.”

“Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going…things always get better.”

“Take a moment every morning to see the beauty outside your window.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to!”

“Be happy with what you have, there’s always someone worse off.”

“Don’t leave the house without lipstick on….looking good = feeling good.” – Mums choice was always apricot! :)

“Go look at yourself in the mirror Darling and smile…you are beautiful you!”

“Champagne should always be shared with a friend in a crystal glass!”

“Be aware of the treasures in a normal day.”

“Attitude drives destiny.”

These are just a few I reflect on when I’m having a Debbie Downer day…one of my sayings I tell myself is that “Tomorrow is a new day!”
My beautiful Mum helped mold and shape who I am today…she made me strong and wise and gave me tools to be happy and to never lose my sense of amazement and surprise of just how magical being alive is….even on those hard days.

So now it’s my responsibility to share and guide Dempsey with what I know…and I do…I wish she forever sees the wonder in the world and finds things that feed her spirit.



So today, I’ve found something to feed my essence…a gorgeous wall of happiness I’ve created in our new kid’s rumpus room…timeless works of art from my two babies…forever captured on canvas.



But I’m really not Alice in Wonderland :).....I won’t wake and realize everything that’s happened in my life has been a dream.....but I can take what I’ve learnt from my adored Mum and my journey so far…I own that…it’s mine to keep!

And in the event a rabbit hole ever appears…I’ll be all more the careful...and wiser! :)










13 comments:

  1. So wonderful to hear from you. Your mom was such a beautiful woman...and you look a lot like her! I was surprised to read that she only had weeks to live in that picture. She looks so happy and full of life. How inspiring! Love your wall of art from your two babies!!

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  2. What wonderful memories you have of your mother. I hope that I leave a legacy behind for my daughter and sons; things that they will always recall that have made them who they are.

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  3. So beautiful, Dee.... xo
    Sandra

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  4. I love your post. I was visiting my daughter in Pittsburgh this week and saw this Rachel Carson quote when we were at the Phipps Conservatory (well worth a visit):

    One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?" (from The Sense of Wonder)

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  5. Lovely Candice!

    Yes, my mum was beautiful, inside and out...I strive to have her outlook on life...thank you! :)

    I love my art wall too, love that I kept Savannah's paintings, even though I don't have many.

    I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving with your beautiful family...Christmas will be fun this year with Macy growing up.

    thanks for stopping by...sending an Aussie hug Candice!
    love
    Diana x

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  6. Dear Barbara,

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment....you are so right about leaving a legacy behind...thats all we have really to give our kids isnt it.

    I'm sure you teach your children by example and help them face their fears. I hope you are doing ok.

    love
    Diana x

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  7. My beautiful Sandra!!!!!! :)

    Thanks for reading! Love you matey and miss my Amercian Mamma so much!

    Please give your babies a hug from me.

    love
    dee dee x

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  8. Dear Graham,

    I love the comment you've left....it touched my heart and I've been using it...I put it in my daily tool box to help me. Thanks so much!

    I love Rachel Carson, will have to check out the Phipps Conservatory...but at this stage maybe only online! :)

    Thanks for stopping by...sending love
    Diana x

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  9. Sorry for the confusion about names...my son's name is/was Graham. Mine is actually Jennifer. I'm glad you liked the Rachel Carson quote. I find I'm constantly trying to find a way to adjust to living my life without my child.

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