Thursday, September 13, 2012

Words from my Mum from the other side??? x

I can’t believe how long its been since I last wrote…wow..time has moved forward quickly…as it does these days. And I don’t have a reason for not writing, other than being home = being busy with ‘stuff’…life stuff...and it feels great!

Time with my family, precious time…and of course I feel like I’ve reverted back to motherhood with our new puppy Teddy, who almost takes up as much time as a baby.

Needless to say, he’s meant to be Dempsey’s pup but somehow manages to follow me around the house and find my warm lap at the end of the day next to the fire….and truth be told, I’m loving that too….. :)

Peter is back in the USA for a few weeks, and while he’s gone I made a promise to myself to sort through our wardrobes that are stuffed full of plastic bags of my Mum’s old‘stuff’.

And I’ve been putting off this process because I know it’s like opening Pandora’s box…a box brimming with assorted emotions that bring out an ache that she’s no longer here.   But I’ve been feeling pretty brave lately, so I sat on the carpet and started to explore what exactly Mum had kept in some of those bags.

                       The plastic envelope I found in mum's purse..

The first thing I pulled out was a plastic pocket that Mum had tucked inside her purse.

I gently pulled out the dog eared contents, gazing at each one, feasting on what my mother cherished enough to carry around with her everyday.

The first thing I studied was a photo of me at my first day of pre-school.

The photo is creased and the edges are torn, but I couldn’t help but smile that Mum had carried this snap shot with her everyday, from eon’s ago.

I looked carefully at the photo of me, at my tiny five year old self, at my innocence and smiley spirit captured in this old pic and thought about what life has dealt out to me…and also how our destiny is so undecided and how none of us know what’s in store for us tomorrow…who would’ve thought this happy little girl would lose her first child….and also learn so much about life through the process of doing so?

Mum also kept this little card with a saying about women on it called ‘Je Suis,’

I remember sitting on our caramel shag pile carpet when I was little, gluing it to cardboard for my Mum, then sticking layer upon layer of durex tape on the top to preserve it for Mum as it reminded me of her…..I’d done this way back in 1981.

Who knew the words that I so carefully cut out of a magazine would be so fitting for my life now….

Mum had also carried this prayer inside the plastic sleeve, given to her by a girlfriend Carmel.

There’s no date on the back so I don’t know why Mum carried this with her….but for me, reading this prayer spoke in Mum's voice and seemed like it was meant to be for me….now.  It does make me wonder….

For some reason, Mum included the above poem called "Just for a time." by Maya Angelou with her treasures….I considered why....and who it might’ve been for?

It seems to be written about a lost love, however, yet again, I could see the significance in particular to my life now of how,.....‘Just for a time’

But I’ll never know why she kept this so close to her heart…she’s no longer here to ask…and its times like these that I wish she was……..

     My beautiful Dad..........

The last thing I found, ragged and yellowed, was this photo of my special Dad….wow, how handsome he was!

I know from the date on the back, it was taken the first year they started dating.

I hugged the picture of dad and thanked my mum for this little parcel left for someone to find…someone like me, her daughter, who will treasure all its contents.

                      Dad and me :)

Which brings me to my dear Dad….in Australia, Father’s Day is in September.

I invited Dad and his wife Brenda, Tone and my nephew and nieces over for a traditional roast lamb lunch.

Sitting around our table, I realized this is what life is all about…being around family and love and people who make you feel good. That you can give back in ways that don’t involve money….just time and an afternoon of togetherness.

After lunch we congregated around our new pool as Tone brushed the walls, the kids talked excitedly about the Summer that isn’t too far away….while yelling at Poppie to be careful not to fall in!!! :)

At the end of the day, Dad pulled out a present for me….a key ring with my name on it.

My Dad is pretty humble, very low key, and doesn’t get very emotional.

He put this key ring in my hand and said, "You don't have to use it but that the words describe you perfectly I thought."  

I like the 'shines best at night' bit....mornings aren't my forte! :)

Dad didn’t need to say anymore….I was so very touched that he’d bought this for me, my eyes teared up and my voice cracked as I thanked him and told him how much I love him and how lucky I am to have him.

So today is my sister’s second son Fraser’s 17th birthday…Fraser Kenneth, he has Dad’s name! :)

I’m off to take him out to lunch and wrap my love around him for my sister who isn’t here.  I love him to bits….

And my Mum’s plastic pouch….I’ve tucked it away in my wallet…I think I’ll start one of my own that maybe, just maybe, Dempsey can find one day that will be appropriate for her life and bring her comfort as finding my Mum’s priceless treasure did for me……

Cheers x


  1. Diana, my dear, your lovely post moved me to tears. Thank you for this . . . ♥

  2. I suppose we know now your mum had great taste in poetry. I wonder why she carried that one though... How loved you are that she was still carrying that photo of you starting school after all those years - I wish we had them of our eldest daughters xx

  3. What a beautiful post Diana. Such a precious gift your Mom left for you.

  4. Dear Marty,

    Always lovely to see your smiling face in my comments....I know as a mum you can probably relate to this post.

    There is still so much of mum's stuff to go through...its confronting and comforting and I'm actually looking forward to finding more of my mum amongst her things.

    Sending love
    Diana x

  5. Dear Susan,

    Yes, that poem is a mystery...I think I'll follow up though and ask her best friend who knew mum like I did. Its times like these that we miss our ones who arent here so much...we never get to have that last conversation with them.

    Sending a hug to you....I tried to leave a comment on your blog but couldnt get through the cookies wall, sorry.

    Hope you are doing ok.
    Diana x

  6. Dear Sandy,

    Your comment is so true, its like finding little bits of Mum within her things. I miss her so much.

    There are so many bags to go through that it takes a lot of emotional energy to see whats inside...I think it will be a slow process, but one I'm looking forward to.

    Reading your words did make me wonder why my stuff and not anything from my sister or brother. The only thing I can think of is I am the baby and also Mum and I were just so close she carried my photo around. After my sister died, Mum carried the scarf she was wearing in her accident with her everywhere in her purse. I'm sure thats amongst her things too.

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.

    Love to you

    Diana x

  7. ♥♥♥♥♥!!!

  8. I lied...I decided to read tonight. :) I got goosebumps reading these poems in your mom's purse. They could not have been more appropriate! Wow! I am glad you were brave and decided to sort through and find this. I believe it was meant for you!! My favorite was "Just for a time."

  9. Thanks Candice!

    Yes, I was amazed by what Mum carried around with her. The poem is a mystery and I wish mum was here however sometimes things like that are so personal she may not have shared if she was.

    I love that poem favorite piece of everything I found in her wallet. It's funny and comforting what a little piece of our loved ones brings.

    Hope you are smiling!!! :)

    with lots of love

    Diana x