Sisters are pretty special.
I only have one.
Today is the anniversary of her death.
And I find on my sister's special day, I always reflect on life…on it’s beauty and cruelty…at the things that its capable of.
I also entertain the idea of her still being here….
Of how everything would be different if she was!
How she’d be sharing a chilled glass of wine with me, clinking our crystal goblets…how we’d reminisce about growing up in a country town.
How we’d be sharing our kids achievements and I’d be asking her advice on my challenges. And how’d we never, ever, ever, argue again! :) (I do like to romanticize things….)
But the reality is, that’s never going to be….and sometimes wishing for impossible dreams can be detrimental to the soul.
So instead of pining for things to be different and allowing that yearning to change my mood to melancholy, I ‘try’ to look at the bits that are possible…like hugging her kids and being a support to her husband Tone….these things aren’t pipe dreams or pots at the end of a rainbow….they are real and achievable dreams. And that's what I try to focus on….I have to…..
Like the reflection and light in my life...they say, a rainbow is a result of the reflection and refraction of light by water droplets…..
A few days ago, from our half finished driveway, I relished in the privilege of watching our overcast grey sky transform itself into a magical band of brilliant colors.
It’s like Mother Nature rolled out it’s red carpet for me…to remind me that the pot of gold is right at my door already…it’s in the beauty and allure of gifts that I see and get to experience everyday…if I take the time….
That the cloudy skies of life don’t always last and that people and things help jog my consciousness of that!
Last week, my sister’s daughter Charlotte also reminded me not dismiss the messages and rewards in the everyday somewhat dull stuff…like dropping her off at her Band practice on a Tuesday afternoon.
You see every week, Charlotte goes to her rehearsal at the tiny Band Hall here….and you are probably thinking, “What’s the significance??”
Well, this insignificant building is where we held the Wake for Tarnia after her funeral…where baby Charlotte of six months slept soundly in a bunny rug next to her sister….as all of us contemplated and reflected on how we’d go on after the tragedy of losing my sister…
And as I threw the car in reverse and watched my sister’s daughter, smiling and waving enthusiastically....happily hurrying into her band practice, the irony struck me....
The power of the human spirit to overcome also seeped deep into my mind….
We do survive, and we do find rainbows, even if they aren’t plastered across the sky in all their glory…they’re in the small stuff…in the human condition of fortitude and resilience and courage…and they are miracles.
Tonight, I had dinner with Tone, my sister’s husband…all four of her children…who Tone took to the cemetery today to visit their mother. They left jasmine and I’m sure a few tears….and I reflected on that too…
The girls are here with me tonight…having a sleep over….making Dempsey laugh, and sneaking into the lounge to sit on the side of my sofa and give me a hug....as I’m typing this....
I told them tonight as I tucked them into bed and squeezed them tight that their Mummy would be so proud of them...how they are a reflection and refraction of her…. :)
And to add to my day today….of reflecting about the joys and heartaches…my precious one Dempsey tells me she’s singing in the school choir tomorrow…for the first time…the song…”The Rainbow Connection.” :-)
“There’s lovers…and dreamers…and me……..”
Tarnia, Mum and Fraser.... x