Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day for me.....and a thank you! x

Today's post is for Kelle Hampton...for honoring me and my humble blog on her inspiring blog and for all that she does with her amazing writing of her journey for all of us....on this twisted journey of beautiful moments strung together we call life.... Thank you Kelle, I don't have the words.... love Diana x  http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/05/your-stories-we-bloom.html


This morning I didn’t want to open my eyes…

It’s Mother’s Day! One of my hardest days every year…

However, as I write this, as Mother’s Day draws to an end, I have to say I’ve had a good day.   And I’ve realized, it’s our children that become our legacy when we are no longer here.  It’s what we instill in them every single day that matters….and for me, I want nothing more than my daughter to be confident, happy and capable of slaying dragons if she ever meets one. I’ve been fortunate to have been given that gift from my Mum.




I can no longer call my adored Mum…they don’t have phone lines to heaven….

I miss hearing her laughter and her encouraging advice on days like today--when I miss our daughter Savannah who should be here to love me on Mother’s Day.

But I know I can’t change that, so instead, I try to channel my Mum’s amazing spirit into my day and incorporate her life lessons and be appreciative that I AM a mum, I have Dempsey, and I did have Savannah…even if it was for only a short while….I am still her Mamma…I always will be.


This was taken on Mother's Day a few weeks after we found out Savannah had her terminal illness


I also think of my sister’s children.

They don’t get to wake up and give their mum a hug, or make her a token gift from school or pick a flower or make her breakfast in bed….

Instead, they make their Dad a card on mother’s day, unlike all the other kids in their class. 


My sister's 4 beautiful children that she left behind...they fill my blue cup with sunshine! :)


However, I’ve learned from them with their ‘no fear’ attitude to life, what it means to be brave and accept that life sometimes throws us curve balls…but its how we choose to meet those unexpected balls is what matters.  Whether we duck, run for cover…or meet the challenge head on and dare life to test our strength.

And on this Mother’s Day, I do confront a triple whammy in that my sister, mum and daughter aren’t here...I cry and I feel sorry for myself….but it never lasts all day.   How can it when you have a real live ball of wonder, who stands 4 foot tall and makes you feel like everyday is Mothers Day.



I’ve learnt from both my daughters…from Savannah when she was dying…unconditional love…that our children only really want our time.   Time to sit with them, to curl up and read stories…to leave those dishes soaking and enjoy a volley of tennis out on the road instead….that a child’s arms around your neck in a tight hug can be taken from you in a heartbeat…and that sloppy kisses are one of life’s true treasures......

From the instant we become Mother’s our soul changes…as women, we finally understand what it means to love something so fiercely…its scary…we understand life’s wealth isn’t wrapped up in a shopping bag or a bank account, but in our most prized possessions…our children.

I’m also aware on this Mother’s Day there are so many ‘want to be so badly’ mothers out there…who must find this day as hard as a mamma who has had to bury her child. But we can’t change our circumstances…only how we see them…

Today, I can choose to be a Debbie Downer all day, a Negative Nancy…or I can make a choice to learn from my daughter’s…to enjoy a great meal tonight….to sip that fine wine slowly and savor it…..to watch the sunset sink into the horizon….to value that hug from my child like it’s the last I’ll ever get…..to thank my husband for making my day special…to delight in the presence of my friends who have lovingly thought of me today and sent texts and emails…..

I only got to spend 3 Mothers Days with Savannah, and that will never be enough…however, Dempsey is alive and reminds me sometimes hourly, that life is worth living and that beauty is in the little bits.

It’s funny, we have an ongoing argument on who loves who more…I tell her I always will cos I’m her Mamma…and I tell her, “One day Dempsey, one day, when you’re a Mamma, you’ll understand……”

I’d like to leave you with Dempsey’s words…that she’s written to me…from a 9 years olds perspective.   Hidden amongst her big girl writing is a message on Mother’s Day, that life is truly worth every heartache, every joy, every challenge and the wonders of what tomorrow may bring….



“Well, I love you more than ANYTHING! Like….I love you more than ice-cream, I love you more than cake, I even love you more when you make the biggest mistakes.

I love you more than big dogs, I love you more than tiny cats, I even love you more than your favorite place to shop at.

I love you, I love you not, I love you a little, I love you a lot. And no matter what, I will love you more, you make me better when I’m sad or bored…

And that is why you are the best mom ever. Just so you know, we will always be together!”


Happy Mother’s Day to all Mums…who meet all sort of challenges, every single day…to all women...aunts, to cousins, to friends…and to Dad’s who sometimes have to do both jobs…. x

Wishing you Sunshine if your cup has been blue today. X

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for seeking out the beauty and joy that is still in your world, while acknowledging the dear and irreplaceable value of your mom, Savannah and sister and keeping them alive for all of us. Sending hugs to you xoxo

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  2. Lovely post - with some lovely pictures. I love your top with "Hope" written on it - it's very you! :)

    I'm not keen on Mother's day - I think I would cancel it - but it is heartening that you can find so much to be joyful about in it x

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  3. Dearest Louise,

    Thanks for your inspiring comment. I was spoilt yesterday with love and hugs from Dempsey...which makes the day worthwhile.

    I hope you had a happy mothers day with Ben!

    Sending a hug,
    love
    Diana x

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  4. Hi Susan,

    Thanks for your stopping by and leaving a comment. I love my red top too! Funny, for mothers day I just pulled that one out of the wardrobe...I'd forgotton it had the word 'hope' on it, but was appropriate!! :)

    I shared a few lovely red wines last night and thought about my family and how lucky I am to have Demps....and of course, today is a new 'normal' day! :)

    Sending a hug to you in the U.K. Hope you are doing ok.

    love
    Diana x

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  5. It was exciting to see you featured on Kelle's blog. I thought, "Hey, I know that lovely, inspiring woman! Great choice Kelle!!"

    That said, I knew Mother's Day would be tough for you. No mum to call, and missing one of your babies. :( :( Thank goodness for your sweet Dempsey and her lovely card to brighten your day.

    x

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  6. Hi Candice,

    Yes, I was SO suprised and thrilled that she chose SIABC amongst so many amazing stories. I love her blog...one of my fav's. I hope in mentioning it it may help someone else, to know you can find joy again.

    Thanks for your love about mother's day...it is a hard one but I try to make the best of it for Dempsey..as you know our kids have a habit of showing us whats important. :)

    thanks for your comment Candice...Happy Days ahead to you.

    love

    Diana x

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