Sunshine all the way………………
That’s the forecast for our home town in Australia, and my mood! :)
Tomorrow night we board the gigantic jumbo jet that will ferry us from one side of the earth to the other…home, to Australia….to my Dad, my brother- in-law, my nephews, nieces and some very very special energy givers whom I don’t just call friends, but family…the family I’ve chosen for me!
It’s always a mixed mash of emotions when I leave the USA. Dempsey doesn’t want to leave her friends, but is excited about being able to create magical fairy gardens in our enormous back yard and indulge in late night sleep overs with my sister’s twins, Emerald and Charlotte. I love it too because I get a chance to tell them stories about their mum (my sister) when we were growing up.
I always feel a tangle of emotions as I close our door, hit the light switch and take one last peek inside our home in America. I always feel I’m leaving Savannah’s spirit behind….she took her last breath in our lounge room and I always feel I’m deserting her when we leave…..weird I know!
She does come with us. I carry her ashes in a royal blue box. Peter carries her death certificate tucked behind our passports, in case we are asked what’s inside the pretty blue box? We’ve only had this happen once amongst the chaos of the customs hall. The official looking officer was very compassionate towards us, which I was thankful for.
I wish Savannah would be sitting next to me on the plane, wrapped in a United blanket, probably listening to an ipod for the fourteen hour slog across the pond. But I can’t leave her behind, her blue box sits safely inside my carry on bag......
Its confronting to go ‘home'. There’s the house where Mom died….it has a monstrous hedge growing around it, hiding the bedroom window where I said my final goodbyes to her. I do think of her last days there when I drive past. I wish I could drop by like I did and share a cup of tea and her positive warm love and laughter.
I adore Tarnia’s children, I love to throw my arms around them and squeeze them tight……….they usually let go first, except for Fraser.
However, its always hard that first time I visit her house with little reminders of her around, and no her…. Her antique teacups, with roses on them, that she loved so much are still sitting above the kitchen shelf, where she placed them. And her photo always smiles at me from inside the family room wall. It's heartbreaking to see Tone with the kids, and without my sister…..even though he does such an amazing job raring them on his own. Yes, there’s little reminders everywhere.
And then there’s Dad, how I love my dad….he can be grumpy and fuddy duddy sometimes, but I still feel like his little girl when he wanders up our driveway with his shy smile. His new wife Brenda is loving and I’m grateful for her warm embrace….but she’s not my mom……
And so yes, it is a mixed bag of emotions to leave our ‘home’ here and travel over the oceans to Oz. But it’s worth it. Every long line up at the airport, security check, whining from Dempsey at how much longer….and the excitement, is all such a reward, my early Christmas present! :)
This year I’ll go to the cemetery and visit my sister’s grave…..its a wake up call to drive out there, to the lush green grass where she lays. There will be more headstones added this year I’m sure, however, they have a way of making me feel alive and grateful…even if I do get sad that things can’t be different.
Think of me tomorrow night, as the big bird takes off into the dark heavens above. You needn’t say a prayer though….I’ll be flying with angels! :)