Monday, August 1, 2016

Just Keep Swimming....... x





Yesterday, my sister’s daughter Charlotte drove to my house.  Yes drove!  She’s old enough now and has her learner permit.  I’m so proud of her.  I couldn’t wait to watch her drive out of my driveway…and of course not back into my garage door!  And as Charlotte slowly edged back and forth with the car, giggling, my brother in law Tone rolling his eyes from the passenger seat, she finally got it. 

She straightened up the car and drove slowly out of my driveway.  And in one of those strange reflective moments, with her bright yellow L plate stuck to the back window, I couldn’t help but notice the other bright yellow sticker on the car bumper under her L plate.  

 It said “Touched Be The Road Toll.”




I stood on our front steps madly waving and blowing kisses to Charlotte who gave me a big thumbs up.  I know she couldn’t see the tears in my eyes.  But it was a poignant reminder of life.   

One, how it goes on, that people do survive tragedy and thrive and two, that these little moments after grief aren’t little moments.  They have the ability to trigger such instant responses.  At a subconscious level!  The sun was shining, I was filled with a sense of such pride and happiness but in a second of seeing that sticker and Charlotte’s L plate I was reminded just how fragile and unfair life can be sometimes.  Unfair that it wasn’t my sister standing with me, so proud.   

So how do we ready ourselves for those triggers after grief?  

How do we ignore them, shut them out, block them, avoid them?   

Well I’ve learned you can’t!  It’s all part of the process.  A process they call healing…or moving forward.  But sometimes it’s like one step forward, two steps back! 

But with every shot of pain and recognition comes more resilience.  More strength….to cope when these sparks of grief strike.  I’m not scared of them now….well not as much as I was.





And I wonder how other people cope with these little set backs or obstacles?  Whether they’re part and parcel of grief or whether I’m stuck, or I have too much time to contemplate?  Or all this means is that the love I had for those gone will always prompt sadness sometimes?  Is it odd or normal to still feel this way? 

I’m glad its August as it’s the later part of the year where it seems I get a breather from all the reminders of those I’ve lost.  May was Mother’s Day.  June was Savannah’s birthday and July my baby has her birthday.  Which seems always overshadowed by her sisters.  And I hate that!




And all these special days prompt tears and wondering and questioning why?  Year after year.  Its like you have to deal with the difficult stuff for three days.  The day before, the day of and the flatness of the day after….the recovery.   But we do recover.  We regroup.  We mend.  And thats the true miracle of the human condition.    Just keep swimming as Dory said!



You’d think I’d be better at this by now.  But it seems grief is like an eclipse.  When it’s around, everything else seems to be shadowed.  Even the good stuff!  The triggers are just that, like someone has a gun pointed.  The best way to deal with them is to let the pain sit with you, or pour out of you.  Whatever works!  But I do know that burying the pain can create addiction.  And with addiction, unless you deal with whatever is causing the pain, you will never fix the addiction if you have one.


And the other night I watched a TV show called ‘Offspring.’  A scene in it showed one of the main characters celebrating her birthday.  The table was full of family, laughing.  She got up to make a speech, how it was the first birthday without her dad.  And in the scene she melts into a mess of tears.  And out of the blue, lying on my couch under a fluffy throw rug, I started sobbing.  And I couldn’t stop.  It was like someone turned a tap on.

I miss my dad.

I m i s s  m y  d a d!





That one little scene in a silly show triggered grief tears and set me off! 

But I wiped my wet face with the fluffy throw rug, took a deep breath and let the pain sit with me.  And you know what….after a few minutes, the sadness passed. 

However I still got up, grabbed a crystal glass off the shelf, and poured myself a red.  i know I’m a work in progress….and that’s ok too! X





15 comments:

  1. No matter how many years passed by, you will still feel pain whenever you remember your lost loved one.

    Alaimh Counselling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DR. GREAT IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR. GREAT TO ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! 

      My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Great that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr.Great for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address:

      infinitylovespell@yahoo.com  or  infinitylovespell@gmail.com

      you can also call him or add him on Whats-app:+2348118829899 

      View his blog  http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com







      DR. GREAT IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR. GREAT TO ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! 

      My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Great that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr.Great for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address:

      infinitylovespell@yahoo.com  or  infinitylovespell@gmail.com

      you can also call him or add him on Whats-app:+2348118829899 

      View his blog  http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com







      DR. GREAT IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR. GREAT TO ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! 

      My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Great that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr.Great for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address:

      infinitylovespell@yahoo.com  or  infinitylovespell@gmail.com

      you can also call him or add him on Whats-app:+2348118829899 

      View his blog  http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com

      Delete
    2. My husband and I have been having lots of problems living together, he never gives me attention or makes me happy because he has fallen in love with another woman outside our marriage. I tried my best to make sure that my husband leaves this woman but the more I talk to him about it the more he makes me feel sad and unhappy, My marriage started leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. I wanted to forget him but i love him and didn't want to lose him. We have been married for years and he is all I could call a true best friend and best in all, the man that handles my problems perfectly, the man that makes sacrifices for ,my happiness. I wanted him back in my life badly and I was so confused. My Friends told me to buy books about relationships, so I went online for relationship books while I came across a spell caster called Dr Emu. I read testimonies and reviews about him so I contacted him immediately, explained my problems to him. Same day , he casted a spell for me and assured me for 2 days that my husband will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my husband came knocking on my door and begged for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married again, he proposed. I wouldn't stop talking about him. Contact him today if you need his help via email: emutemple@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay. Website: https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ whatsapp number +2347012841542

      Delete
  2. Hello,
    I Read the article of a very great spell caster and it seems very helpful
    to me. I haven’t had the chance to have a proper relationship with my ex
    because we work together. This will be the final week or work and then I
    wont be around him constantly. Unfortunately, I broke one of the rules in
    the article and have been sleeping with him. Something I’m not proud of,
    especially since he has a girlfriend. Not to mention that she’s a girl he
    dated off and on for 3 years before he dated me.
    When I asked him why he kept sleeping with me even though he was in a
    relationship, his response was because I wanted it, and he wantve him all to
    myself. That was when i read about Dr alexzander on how he help people in
    saving their relationship and i was really desperate for his help. There
    were things in our relationship that were tough. We traveled for 4 months
    right in the beginning, and it was hard due to different expectations. When
    we returned our living situation was unstable which caused a lot of stress
    on my end. And when I ask why he didn’t give me a chance to make things
    better he said he gave me tons of chances. Oh, and he compared our
    relationship with his past. He says that things were great, and then they
    went bad really fast, and that why his back with is Ex. Because it at least
    took them years for things to get that bad. So i was very sad and
    disappointing and decided to contact this spell caster for help with tears
    running out of my eyes and Dr alexzander promised to make things right in
    my relationship and also assured me that my boyfriend is going to come back
    to me within 78hrs. At first i was shock and didn't believe him because i
    thought it was impossible to do. But i gave it a try and trusted him. Dr
    alexzander asked for my details and his, then guarantee me of his return.
    Truly my ex lover started calling me and also begging me to forgive him and
    that's his willing to give us a second chance, then promised me never to
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    have ever wanted for myself in life. I thank you Dr alexzander for saving
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    my testimony for the whole world to see and know that there is still hope
    in your broken relationship, No matter how bad it seems don't give up hope
    and also contact this man who saved my own. you can reach him through his
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    direct with his email address alexzanderhightemple@gmail.com. I thank you
    Dr alexzander for helping me and i will always share my testimony in every
    social media or place i may go to.
    (From United State Of America).
    Mrs Tracy Grilli.
    http://tracygrilli.blogspot.com.tr
    https://tracygrilli59.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Really enjoyed what you had to say on this post dear and you have shared some really good points and words of wisdom. I wish you all the best and loads of love.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Things to know about Dr. Wakina!
    1) Dr. Wakina is an uncelebrated hero that can restore peace to a broken heart through his well refined and harmless love spell, his spell can bring back a lost lover or rebuild a broken marriage within days.
    2) He trained himself spiritually to respect and protect the values of victimized people by helping them face/defeat their obstacles in his best capacity.
    3) Doc is generous in spirit; he gives back his spiritual talent to the public as much as possible as a selfless man he is.
    4) His main purpose is to save hearts and rebuild a relationship/marriage.
    My name is Lindsay Cullen; my marriage was among the many that was rebuilt by this wonder working king of spell through: dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com
    I decided to share to share this after studying and learning from him during the whole love spell process. He is indeed a man to trust.

    ReplyDelete
  5. very interesting website is, The blog you share which is about the thread working picbear

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want to share with you all on how Dr Itua saves my life with his powerful Herbal medicines, I was diagnosed of Oral/Ovarian Cancer which i suffered from for 5 years with no positive treatment until when My son came to me in the hospital when i was laying down on my dying bed waiting for god to call out my name to join him in heaven.
    My son was so excited that very day he came across Dr Itua on Blogspot, we decided to give him a try although we Americans are so scared to trust Africans but i really have no choice that time to choose life in between so we gave a try to Dr Itua Herbal medicines, god wiling he was a good man with a god gift. Dr Itua send us the herbal medicine it was three bottles. I take it for three weeks instructor and this herbal medicines heal me, cure my Oral/Ovarian Cancer completely I have been living for 9 months now with healthy life no more symptoms.
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    ReplyDelete
  7. DR. GREAT IS THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE WHO RESTORED MY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP AND I HIGHLY RECOMMENDS DR. GREAT TO ANYONE IN NEED OF HELP! 

    My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Great that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr.Great for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great spell caster here is the email address:

    infinitylovespell@yahoo.com  or  infinitylovespell@gmail.com

    you can also call him or add him on Whats-app:+2348118829899 

    View his blog  http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I want to thank of great Dr. Todd he brought my boyfriend back to me. i had seen many people to get him back but nothing, Dr. Todd gave me a consultation and told me all truth, and I trusted Dr. Todd and had him do the spells for me. it took awhile because it was very very messy between us. i had to wait for each spell to do its work. but once the last spell finally was working and the other spells had worked, that is when he called. we met. then it took many more meetings. but now we are back together and i can only thank Dr.Todd, he is the greatest, i will come to Dr. Todd for life. Todd took care of me like family. contact; manifestspellcast @ gmail. com manifestspellcast.wordpress.com
    WhatsApp:+1 604 901 9747

    ReplyDelete
  9. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
    Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
    Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com  
    Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello everyone I want to let the whole world know how Dr Great has restored my broken relationship with Wayne. We have been together for 3 years and he told me that he doesn’t love me like he used to. Things have not been good for about 4 months and he ended this about 2 weeks ago. I was miserable and just don’t want to go on anymore. I did text him right after this but he didn’t even respond to me. One day I was searching for a way to get him back on the Internet when I saw a post of a lady testifying of how a love spell caster called Dr Great helped her to get back her Ex, I was so desperate to get mine back so I messaged him and explained my situation to him and he instructed me to do somethings which I did and 24 hours later my boyfriend Wayne came back kneeling and begging for my forgiveness and I forgive him and our relationship was back to normal again, if your Ex broke up with you or you have any problem then you problem has come to an end because Dr Great can solve all marriage and relationship problems. If you need his urgent help email him at 

    infinitylovespell@gmail.com OR infinitylovespell@yahoo.com 

    You can also call or add him on WhatsApp +2348118829899

    BLOG http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Omg I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp +2347012841542

    ReplyDelete
  12. I want to say thanks once again to this great man called Dr Zuma and his spiritual way of helping people i lives in USA with my husband we love each other and also he care about me always look forward to make things easy for both of us 9 years after our wedding, we both work harder to make a family greatest surprise, we have a kid after some times again, we have another one so with this, we live in peace and he was so honest to me shortly, he started misbehaving that i don’t know what is going on then i asked him. Darling what is going on? you are so strange to me this few days hope i have not offended you? he said no. Not knowing he have an affair with one lady out side who promised him a car and apartment in one estate were i cannot see him also when he cannot see me i manage to stay with him pleading him he should forgive me if i have wrong him he started complaining he has no money that he has lost all his money in his business that he needs some money then i asked him how much is this money you are looking for? he did not know i can afford it. Then, he said $14,000USD i promised him i we give it to him just for him to care about his family. My greatest surprise, the next day, i went to work and our two kids were in school not knowing his going to leave the house before i come’s back i met some of his things outside i was waiting for him to come back he never come back i cried i miss him so much and he have taking all my money away i was only left with $800USD. One day, as i was ready a blog i saw a testifier made by someone in Australia called Jessica telling people about how this man call Dr Zuma helped her and the man’s contact email was there and his mobile number then i contacted him for a help and really, he brought back my husband now am so happy my brothers and sister if you are in such relationship problem kindly via Email spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or Whatsapp +15068001647 he will help you solve all your problems.

    ReplyDelete