Thursday, August 2, 2012

New Beginnings x

I love the above quote, a line out of a Tim McGraw song…it sums up how I felt when I left the USA last week.

It’s true, we all take different paths in life, and no matter where we go, we take a little bit of each other everywhere!

We left LA last week and as the giant jumbo jet shook and its engines roared as we took off from LAX, I got emotional, a few tears rolled down my face. 

Dempsey stared out the window at the twinkling lights of LA like a fairyland until we were surrounded by the black abyss of the ocean… “Los Angeles is gone Mummy, I can’t see it anymore!” She said!

It was just a tad hard to leave the only home I’ve known for the past twelve years…to leave the house with so many unforgettable times.

The only real house Dempsey has known, from a baby of six months old.   The carpeted stairs that Dempsey took her first steps up…the four walls of our lounge room that soaked up our sadness, watching our daughter die… and our back T, a simple plastic table that holds so much laughter and love from different friends and happy hours on a Friday night. 

But I’ll take a little bit of that and those people everywhere with me now....and thats the beauty of memories.... :)

My friend Mary and me

It felt weird to turn the corner in our street, knowing I won’t be back…leaving all that behind.   But Peter will be home Saturday, and I know I’ll see our friends again one day….

Life is meant to change, no matter how hard we resist it, or fear it, we have to take a big breathe and embrace it!

It’s what propels us forward and creates direction and forces us to reassess what we want…it helps us focus on the important things like family and friends and love…the things that hopefully never change.

Change forces us to try new things and be open to new friends and new experiences…and I’m ready…raring to go…to see where this path leads, bumpy OR smooth! :)

We are home!

Back in Australia!

And it feels like a warm hug, like my blue cup is brimming with sunshine…even if we have been thrust into the midst of winter here and the fog is dense in the morning over the lake surrounding our house. Nothing could dim my spirit!

                   My friend Andrea at another goodbye send off

The week before we left California was full…and when I say full I mean frantic…but fun, filled with overwhelming love from my friends I was saying goodbye to…and watching my baby say teary goodbyes to her little girlfriends who have been a big part of molding my precious one into who she has become tugged at my heart.

I told Dempsey not to be sad…that she’ll see them again….and I had to remember my words as I too hugged and told my girlfriends…”I hate goodbyes, so I’ll just say, see you when I see kiss me and smile for me, cos I’m leaving on a jet plane…don’t know when I’ll be back again…” :)

My beautiful birthday girl...and yes that dog is real...he almost looks like a toy! :)

We had Dempsey’s 10th birthday party…with puppies and pretty little tweens who are like sisters to my baby. When I tucked her into bed she told me, "Thank you for my was the best party yet Mummy!"

I managed one more magical catch up with my friend Rose.

She came to our house this time…in all her glory, with gifts and an artist’s sketchpad and a bag of colorful paints.  You see Rose has a special hobby, where she paints peoples feet, then stamps them in a book.  Then you write a message beside your print.

Dempsey was a fit of giggles as Rose dabbed colorful paint on her pinkies…needless to say, her Mama wasn’t much better! :)

 And after we’d stepped on a blank page, Rose washed our feet and said a prayer. I felt like I was being baptized all over again…it felt cleansing!

Rose’s book was filled with footprints from all over the world, many from Ground Zero where Rose volunteered, from strangers…and…Fire Fighters. I felt privileged reading some of the poignant writings on the pages.

                  Rose's artistic hoof! :)

I miss Rose already......but the world really is a small place with the internet…and I’ll certainly take a small piece of Rose with me now.....and smile when I think of her.

So our new life starts here, back in the sun burnt country, the land of meat pies and mates and crisp country air….and my dad and my brother and Tone.....and my sisters kids...who all squeezed me so hard I think they bruised a few ribs…but that all adds to the magic and feeds my soul with Happy with a capital H…instead of the sad stuff! :)

I know I don’t have any control over my destiny, nobody does…what we think and hope and what ‘is’ are all relevant, however life surprises us sometimes with what the universe thinks we can cope with, or need or points us in the direction of where we need to be…

The important thing to remember is I do have choices in my attitude and choosing to be happy and making every day count, for Dempsey’s sake, and my own.

So I hope I can blog more now I’m home about our adventures Down Under..our new chapter...and carry what I learnt and the love from those who’s lives I was lucky enough to brush with no matter how big or small a this wonderful big ball of life rolls on….

Cheers! x :)


  1. You have such a positive attitude. Perhaps someday I, too, will feel hopeful again. I'm still in shock over the sudden loss of my 23 year old son 10 weeks ago.
    I've been collecting blogs and websites by bereaved parents into one site and I've added yours.
    I look forward to reading about your life back in Australia.

  2. I'm deeply sorry to hear about your son. Ten weeks is such a short time ago. Your grief must be consuming and overwhelming at the moment.

    When my sister was killed suddenly I cried every day for months and remember thinking I would cry everyday for the rest of my life. Time and healing does help however grief it seems is always part of our lives after we lose someone we love.

    I wish you strength and comfort in your photos and memories of your boy. I know thats all I have now and they do help.

    Be gentle on yourself and surround yourself with people that care and want to comfort you and listen when you need an ear. I had some amazing family and friends who helped me survive my losses.

    I hope my blog helps you as the days move forward without your son...I know hope was one of the things that kept me going and still does on the hard days.

    Thanks for your message.
    Sending love and a hug,

    Diana x

  3. I am having difficulty figuring out how to have hope. I invested 24 years of my life and love into my son (counting pregnancy) and now he's gone. I'm not sure how to accept the loss of his future (and ours). I used to welcome each new day. Now each day is one more without him, another day that he can't live his life. Very painful.
    I will continue to read your blog and learn how you have been coping.

  4. Diana,

    I've been checking your blog for a few months now, although I've never commented before. I really enjoy your writing, your optimism and perspective, and feel like the US lost something when you moved back home! :)

    Thanks for putting so much of yourself out there on the wide web for strangers like me to find and connect to, even in a small digital way.

    Sunshine to you and your family :)

  5. Dear Emily,

    Wow...thank you so much for this encouraging and heart felt message. I love to hear from my readers, especially if I've helped someone in some small way through my brings me comfort to know their deaths have helped somebody somewhere.

    If you are reading because you've lost somebody special, I send you love and hope that you can find some hope and comfort in my story of surviving all sorts of losses and challenges in life.

    Your sentence about me moving back to Oz made me smile Emily!! :) I hope if my hubby is still working there we can continue to visit.

    Thanks again, you've made my day today and I'm sending a smile and sunshine back your way Emily! :)

    Diana x