"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude!” Thorton Wilder
Every new year I buy a diary.
In it I write important dates like birthday’s and anniversaries for the coming twelve months. It almost seems there are as many death anniversary dates as birthdays these days……..I always wonder where I’ll be in the pages ahead….who will be with us and IF we’ll lose anyone this year? That’s my reality! However, I think that’s a gift….to be aware that TODAY, the present, is a gift. To be enjoyed and never to be taken for granted.
January is a difficult month. It’s the month our daughter Savannah died. I do think of what we were doing on these days in January years ago as she got sicker and sicker and we knew her time was running out. And I try not to let my mind wander to the painful parts…….It was so sad and it’s hard not to think of what she endured. All of that is part of who I am now. I will be that person forever.
I am changed, there’s no going back. However, now I look at life differently and live life fuller than what I did all those years ago……before I experienced so much loss.
I tell those people important to me how much I love them….and probably indulge in a bit too much red wine sometimes! And as each new year converges on me, I feel a little bit further away from Savannah. And I hate that!
At this time of year, so many people are making lists, new year resolutions with hope’s and things they want to change about themselves. And it is a good idea to set a new goal……..my wish this year is to cultivate happiness! It’s all about choices and choosing to have the right attitude each day. How hard can that be?
And how can I not be happy when I have so much to be grateful for? I only have to look at Dempsey’s mischievous grin and soulful eyes to boost my serotonin levels. She’s a walking, talking example of how simple life is and how in truth, all we really need is unadorned love and mindfulness of what can be taken away in a heartbeat to become appreciative.
Peter bought me a camera on the weekend, you know, one of those fancy, fan dangled cameras with buttons and dials that look like something out of a space ship! I can’t wait to learn how to capture memories and decorate this blog with tiny bits of my days that I am fortunate enough to enjoy……..so get ready to be inundated! I want to be able to illuminate the little things that can magnify just how exquisite the world really is!
I have the privilege of being alive, of being present……it is my responsibility as Dempsey’s mum to be HAPPY and notice and pass on to her the little things in this world. Just this morning on the way to her school we noticed the mountain Big Bear is almost covered in snow. It’s magnificent! How fortunate we are to have this view every single day, when so many are stuck in poverty and homelessness. Yes, grief has left its mark on me…..opening my eyes, that’s for sure!
So fasten your seat belts! 2011 will pass us by before we know it!
Don’t forget to slow down, to smile at strangers, to grab the good out of every single day….to STOP and notice the little things that can feed your spirit, share them around. Set good intentions, dream big and hold on particularly tight to your loved ones around you. There’s no stopping time!
Thank you to all of you who have read my blog this year.....you inspire me to keep writing if I know I've helped just one of you with my journey! I appreciate your support...YOU fill my blue cup with sunshine! :) x
Happy New Year!
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