Way's you can honor a loved one who has died.

(Note; today's post is for Sara.....I hope you can do something special in honor of your beautiful baby boy to ease your pain....even if its just a little. x)



Have you ever been on a roller coaster when all of a sudden you panic, you want to get off...but you can't....you feel scared, there's nothing you can do.....your body is engulfed in fear and it seems like YOU aren't in control anymore....that's what grief feels like to me!

One way that helped me control my grief was to find ways to honor those I've lost in a memorable way.  Doing this created some sense of purpose amongst the chaos that followed each of my losses.....that I was in control of at least something in my life. 

There are many ways you can remember a loved one, the following are just some I've done but may help give you some idea's to help bring you comfort and a feeling of purpose amid your suffering.

For Tarnia, my sister, I asked the funeral director to cut off four locks of her shiny brown hair....I tied each one in a blue satin ribbon for her children.  When they are older, they will have something physical of their mother....especially her twin girls, who never knew her.  I also cut Savannah's hair into a bob before they took her.  I have her golden curls carefully hidden away and don't have the courage to take it out and run my fingers through it....but I will one day....most importantly it's hers, and I'm glad I kept it.

We also planted a cherry blossom tree for Tarnia, one that would bloom around the time of her anniversary each year.

My favourite photo of Savannah taken two months before she died

For my adored Mom, I took her favorite lilac silk shirt and gave it to Dempsey as a security blanket.  Dempsey still has what remains of it today on her bedside table, its ragged and dirty but reminds me of Mom!  I wear her engagement ring with pride and her picture sits where I can see it everyday.....I am able to smile now when I look at it.

And for our angel Savannah, there are so many things I did, and do and will continue to as a legacy to her time here with us.  Because of her death, I'm an Ambassador to The Make A Wish Foundation and volunteer at The Let It Be Foundation....these are other things you can do.  But where to start with Savannah...I guess a few days after she died.......

Savannah's life...and death...had a profound effect on alot of our friends....one special family in particular honored her in such a unique way.  The day after she died a huge cardboard box was delivered to our door amongst all the floral bouquets.....inside were two golden frames from the International Star Registry.  Our friends named a star in Savannah's honour.....its impossible to describe in words the comfort that fills my heart when I look up in the heavens at night knowing there's a twinkling star named after our precious girl.

Savannah was cremated, I couldn't bear the thought of not having her in our home so as morbid as this may sound to some, she sits in a princess urn, on a special shelf Peter created in our family room, where I can pick her up and still hold her.......amongst Dempsey's toys and drawings and mess and noise and visitors that come into our home.

I searched everywhere for a special candle for her shelf, which is pink with rainbow glass.  I light it and it brings me peace as I feel her spirit is present......its almost buried now in angel figurines, cards and other special special gifts friends have kindly given me. 

However the thing that brings me the most comfort is my gold locket I wear everyday.  You see the locket to other people is just a piece of jewellery, but to me its healing and meaningful as it is a tiny urn that holds some of her ashes.  I feel that a part of her hangs over my heart always....she goes with Peter, Dempsey and me wherever we are.

                                                                  Savannah's shelf

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we planted a rose bush and other families I know have created glorious gardens where they can sit peacefully and contemplate.  A friend that lost her little girl had teddy bears sewn for her two daughters out of her angel's clothing....her remaining girls get so much comfort out of these.

There's quilts and cushions that can be made from clothing, special photo frames, scrapbooking, jewellery and plaster casts........all these wonderful treasures that can immortalize the person you miss so much.

And the final one I did for Savannah, that was so personal and hurt so much, one I also carry with me where nobody else can see it...its just for me in memory of our daughter...a tiny butterfly tattoo!

So I hope some of these things I've done can give you some ideas and bring you comfort and meaning as you travel on your journey and empower you to feel in control, somehow.  I know my collection isn't finished, and never will be........

Wishing you sunshine if your cup is blue today! :) x

"Friends"

Dempsey with two of her best friends....my sister's twins Emerald and Charlotte.....Dempsey's cousins who adore her :)

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. "Charlotte from Charlotte's Web"


So I'm sitting here with my laptop on my lap :)  I feel an overwhelming sense of being loved today! 

Friends, what does that word conjure up for you?  I looked it up in my online dictionary what the definition of a friend is...this is what they say:  a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

What is a friend to you?  A friend to me is someone who is there for you 24/7, sometimes they just listen, or embrace you in a hug, make you laugh, or cry, and sometimes they offer advice, whether it be good or bad......and sometimes, they provide you with all you need to get through a day!

After Savannah died, I lost alot of 'friends', I think my grief and loss was too hard for some.  Before my daugther died, I was one of those girlfriends that you wanted to have around, when times were good and I would dance on an occasional table or be funny, ....but then the times set in when I needed a bit more than just laughter and light heartedness.....when I needed someone to ask three little words!  "How are you?"  Just a few words but so powerful and meaningful to someone who has lost their way.

My Dad has always said to me that you are very lucky if you can count your true friends on one hand!  I feel very lucky!  Now, today, I'm fortunate to have such very very special friends, who have become a lifeline, even when they don't know it.  They make me laugh out loud sometimes, and sometimes they fill me with such an overwhelming sense of grattitude at how lucky I am...it really is a physical feeling that causes a warm feeling in my soul.

Anyone going through a loss or challenge needs to surrounds themselves with true friends, energy givers I call them!  I've got rid of all my energy suckers, people that were in my life for the wrong reasons and who sucked the energy out of me....somedays when I had none.

So now I tell all those who help me survive, who put light in my life how important they are to me......maybe one day they'll need my ear to listen.  I'll feel so blessed to have been able to have helped them the way they have me!

On my blue days I know I have a handful of people that I can turn to who will make me feel better, make me feel loved and fill my blue cup with sunshine!  I hope you do to! :) x

PS; just as I hit the post button to publish this....a downy white feather floated down from the sky and landed a few feet away from me, my neighbor Renee who has just lost her cousin was with me...so we were fighting over who the feather was for :) ....they say feathers are a sign from a loved one in heaven(which I'll write about in another blog)....I can only imagine its one of my loved ones letting me know they are thinking of me :)

Well, I've been neglecting my blog lately, so it's time to get my fingers back on the keyboard and start writing again. 

March seems to have all but disappeared, Spring is already on us and Easter is just around the corner.  Its a beautiful time of year.  Blossom trees are in full bloom and the jasmine vine at our front door is bursting with colors and an overwhelming scent that welcomes people to our home.  The perfume is refreshing and awakens my senses (it also disguises our trash bins hiding amongst it :) ).

Spring is also a time for new beginnings, so its time to get cracking and make my dreams happen instead of waiting for them to come to me.  I've started a distance education course to further my dream of becoming a counsellor and helping others like me who are dealing with loss, grief and wanting to move forward instead of holding onto the past and,.......I've finally joined twitter!!!!  It's never too late to change your habits and follow your passion.

If you believe your past is more powerful than the present you can get bogged down and lost by dwelling on what should've been instead of the "what is!"  We all have choices and we can choose to create a different, exciting new future with what we have and what we have learned from loss or negative past experiences.

By looking at the lessons I've learned(which I will talk about more in another blog) through losing 3 close family members in 3 years, I can see the gift that my sister, mother and daughter have left me with.  And that is to choose life, to choose to make each day count....that YOU are capable of anything, even happiness again.

One of my best girlfriends called me last week to tell me her 57 year old sister has been given 6 months to live.  The conversation had a profound effect on me and made me want to hug Dempsey, ring my family and friends and tell them how much I love them and to DO something constructive with the time I am blessed to have.  It made me question what I would do had I been given such horrific, terminal news and made me look at what things in life I still want to achieve.  In that way, Anne-Marie has given me a wonderful gift through her illness.

What would you do if you were given 6 months to live?  Would it change the way you are living now?  Its certainly food for thought!  And as cliched as it sounds, we should all live each day as if its our last!  So make a list, make some time, and make your dreams happen! x