Losing AND gaining friends after grief! x

Sometimes, after a life altering event, strangers become friends and friends become strangers…..


It’s like some friends put you in the “too hard basket.”

I am blessed to have all weather friends, and I love them for that.....but I did lose some after Savannah died!

It’s difficult when friends run and duck for cover, avoid us and pretend everything is ‘normal’ when it’s not…… But that’s human nature I guess. It certainly weeds out the people who matter, who didn’t and who never will. And that is sad, but it’s the reality of being a casualty of grief.

As I lost one after the other, after the other, after the other of my family...I saw friends drop off the radar, stop emailing, phoning and making an effort to invite me out. And to be honest, I DIDN’T want to be lured out to trivial birthday or house warming parties where everyone was laughing or drunk…or celebrating some insignificant (to me) ‘happy’ occasion…...

No, I wanted to hide from reality and get through some tough days, or hours, or minutes….where I could curl up under the blankets and pretend the world was different to what it truly was.  It was the only way I knew how to survive.

When Savannah was diagnosed, out of the blue with her fatal illness, I went from a girl who occasionally danced on tables and was the life of the party to someone who’s world had been demolished…shattered! Like a hurricane had ripped through it!  And I didn’t know how I would get through moments let alone days after being told my child was going to die and there was nothing we could do to save her life.

Savannah at Disneyland just after she was diagnosed....we wanted to take her there before she got too sick.  Love this photo!


Life doesn’t get any harder or any more real than that. And I knew, having such a large circle of friends, they would call, some out of pure love and concern, and others out of curiosity…….. And I couldn’t face them!

So at that time, Peter and I decided to send out the email below ….

Peter and I thought we should email our friends and let them know about Savannah's test results. We know people are probably aware she was having tests, and up until last week we did not have a diagnosis.

Savannah has been diagnosed with Metachromatic Leukodystrophy (MLD), which we had never heard of until now. Metachromatic Leukodystrophy is a terminal illness caused by a rare genetic fault from Peter and I.

Unfortunately, there is no treatment. Bone Marrow and Stem Cell Transplant is experimental at this stage and we are still consulting with Doctors' as to whether it is an appropriate treatment for her condition.

Savannah is still the same beautiful little girl she always has been, she is just having problems with her walking at this stage.

As you can understand it is a very emotional and difficult time for us and our families. We are trying to come to terms with everything and make decisions on what is best for Savannah.

We just ask that you give us some time and not contact us, as you can understand it is just too difficult to talk about at the moment.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thank You.


And we did need time out……to sort how we were going to carry on……. And as days turned into months and years I didn’t think ‘some’ friends would take that email literally and NEVER contact us ever again….but that’s how it is.

And I can look back now at all the people who aren’t in our life anymore….some I’ve chosen to cut ties with….who didn’t ‘understand’ that to lose a child is one of the hardest things that life can deal you! And some, have chosen not to stay in touch….and I’m fine with that NOW too! I’m not the same! There’s no going back to who I was……my identity now, has changed.

In saying all that, one friend I love who I did lose contact with, just through moving and life getting in the way, tracked me down me last Saturday…..through this blog!

I don’t have the words to express how thrilled I am that Natalie somehow found me……and we’ve talked, and laughed and cried and talked on top of one another. And the beauty of ‘old friends’ is that you have history with them.

Natalie hugging me at her wedding.....I was her bridesmaid and she was mine! :)


Natalie knew my sister, my beautiful mum AND Savannah……how lovely for me that she had the courage to make that first move and reconnect!

So to any of your reading that aren’t sure how to act around someone facing a challenge….pick up the phone or type that email…. Bonds that are created during hardships are some of the strongest ones…..YOU have the opportunity to really help and touch another….and it feels good, trust me!

And as for Natalie and me, well we’ve planned a reunion.  I promised to dance on a table again…with her …and to hug her and introduce Dempsey to her twins. It will be big! :)

love you Nat! x

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